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Siegfried and the Uniq-Horn
by Loch David Crane, "The Magic Santa Claus" 
October 10, 2003       

This is the story of the Unicorn,	
of Siegfried and his friend Roy Horn.
These immigrants first met on a cruise ship 
and formed the bond of a lifetime trip.

Magicians, not stewards, would they be
inspiring audiences like you and me.
One was with animals always kind;
and the other could fool the human mind.

Siegfried grew a golden mane,
but never a cat or dog could tame;
his talent lay in illusion grand
with mystical SARMOTI hand.

While Roy would blossom on the stage
'cause he could train anything from a cage.
When Roy's cats would poop out on the front lawn,
Siegfried could clean up with a wave of his wand.

Roy's love was so great he would cuddle the cats,	
ride 'em and kiss 'em and pet 'em like that--
but even in play a Unicorn
can accidentally slash you with his horn.

The two were a beacon of onstage intensity
who altered Las Vegas in the Twentieth Century.
They saved Bengals and lions and preserved the pride
and respect for performing cats worldwide.

Brave Roy and Siegfried illuminated a hall	
riding tigers in circles on a great mirrored ball.
An army of soldiers would march 'round their stage
and tame down a dragon from spitting his rage.

Six thousand performances with hardly a scratch
as the people in anticipation would watch:
the way they watch racing and boxing and sports
to see which brave performer gets his in the shorts.

The morbidly well-dressed are a curious thing,
and for decades they've made Vegas registers ring.
But now the World's best trainer must pay
for teaching his big cats to sit up and play.

The cyclical nature of the Unicorn	
 is that it was here--and now it is gone.
So cherish your friends and family each day,
'cause you'll never know when they'll be taken away.

The dangerous nature of a live show
is what makes it exciting for people to go.  
The Coliseum was built on a thirst for blood
but the Mirage made millions on treating cats good.

So why the surprise a White Tiger will bite?
You can train them by day. . .but they still hunt at 	night.
‘Tis the nature of cats and the Unicorn:
Handle with love but beware the horn.

So the legend of the Unicorn became a memory:
like the lions, tigers, and dragons we'd see.
And brave Roy the trainer showed all the World how
to love and reinforce them to be in a show.

There's only one question to ask of the cat:
Why didn't you bite Yasser Arafat?
Camelot won't see another Unicorn
nor such great Magicians as Fischbach and Horn.

"The act's on hiatus" as show people say
awaiting new costumes on some sunny day.
And somewhere on the planet an immigrant dreams
of taming his Unicorns as the audience screams.
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