Email Poem

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Personal Note:
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Poem
It hurts when you realize your the person you never wanted to be
When your smiles are just a disguise to cover a frown
When laughter just comes when it hear everyone else s
When our torn down and broken and just a depressed
And you don't know why or what happen
No specific event caused it 
You happiness just got up and paused it 
Your life
Now you have to think twice before you want to go hang out with friends because you don't want to be a Debby Downer
Because this pain
This pain you feel NO ONE with ever understand
It is unexplainable and you don't want them to understand
You don't Want anymore pills or a mental heath hospital bed
Or to be locked up and caged up like and animal
Like you not human
Just because they think and want to help
If you want to help me Show me LOVE
Because that is all i ever need it 
Yes i have heard it
And yes i remember feeling it a few times in my life
But i want the kind of love like soldiers willing to die for this country when they give the orders
And no i am not talking about like the wars today 
And talking about wars like the civil war 
A single person running in to battle just with the faith that his fellow soldiers will stand behind him and not flee
Because that the kind of love i need
To have the courage to be my self and have faith the everyone will love me for it and stand behind me
To experiment on me and to know that people will except it just to have a piece of me
To cry and not be called weak
To know whether or whether not i am skinny ,fat or thick that i will be loved 
Every scar ,imperfect mark, Stupid habit , lump. roll , curve,temper tantrum, will basically through everything
That i will be loved and respected for being me
Not this Hot mess that everyone has shaped and molded me to be
Me raw , No covering or attachments
And that is all i have ever what to be 
And even thought i am still searching  
i want to know and be sure at the end of my journey you will love me (who ever that person might be)
And i will do the same for you


To my readers i am a young poet , if you read my last poem you will know i am 15 this is me. .i wrote this poem because i just woke up
Feeling like writing but i was to afraid of what people might think. Angered with my self i put it in my head that i would
do this and not care i am proud of my work whether you like it or not. Much love goes to all my viewers
and i hope you comment they mean a lot to me,

~April
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