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Poem
Fading

There he stood at my door
Waiting for me to join him 
In the secret room
I really didn’t know
That it wasn’t for him that I was going
He was being paid 
For me to please one of his friends
Here I was six years old
&

Fading

My best friend and I 
We knew each others pain
Yet we never talked about it
An unspoken understanding
We both just wanted to forget about it
She was my rock and I was hers
She was my voice of reason
I brought her out of her shell
Now she is gone and I am

Fading

As more memories come crashing in
Like intruders in the night
They are capturing my thoughts 
Breaking my heart 
I feel like I am falling apart 
Out of control 
Voices in my head tell me to go 
But I don’t want to
Even though 
I am 

Fading

I still have a little fight in me
I refuse to let go
Maybe that is the strength my therapist 
Sees in me
Even though I feel so weak
Broken down and beaten
I can’t even sleep
As I am slowly 

Fading 

I try to smile 
I try to put on a happy face 
So the world won’t see
The sadness inside 
Yet this depression is getting hard to hide
I want to move on 
I want to find that happiness 
I once had a glimpse of
It is hard to see though
When I feel like I am 

Fading 

So here again I am flashing back
This time I was seven
I said I wouldn’t go to the room
I wanted to play with my rabbit instead
So my dad he walked over
Picked up my rabbit and 
Snapped his neck
Then told me I could play with him
Instead
I didn’t cry I knew better than that
My heart was broken all the same
And as I come back to the present
I start to cry
For a little girl I have hidden inside
Then the voices get louder 
As I start

Fading

I want so bad to pick up the phone 
And call my grandma 
Lord knows she was more like a mom to me
Then I remember 
She has passed on 
And although I really miss her 
I know she would want me to carry on
Continue on my journey
To find peace & serenity
I know she wouldn’t want me to give in
So I stand and fight 
Even though 
I feel like heck 
So sad and depressed 
I hate myself more than anyone else
So maybe that is why I feel like 
I am 

Fading
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