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Poem

When I look in my mirror
I don't see what you see
I see fear and failure
I see hate and anger
I see inner turmoil and scars of self destruction

What am I missing
I hear your words about what you see
But what you talk about is skin deep
I don't care about my face
I don't care about my body

If you don't see my mind or my heart
Then I must have fooled myself
I made me believe I am something I'm not
Someone worth anything you'd have to give up
I thought I was enough
That I was the person you could fall so deeply in love with
that nothing else would matter
no one else would matter
I thought maybe my presence lingered in your mind
long after I had gone
or that maybe my words haunted you as well
I'd hoped that I had spoken with such truth and spirit
that you would also believe in such a love that many ridicule

Now looking in the mirror I see doubt
I am self conscious 
and I am full of self loathing
How could I have been so wrong
wrong about what you saw
wrong about what I saw

Perhaps I am playing a part
so wrapped up in this fairy tale of a life only I have faith in
maybe the type of love I imagine isn't real...just an illusion
and maybe the person I thought I could be doesn't exist


my vantage point is front row center stage
the performance of my life
unfortunately I was the only one to attend

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