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~My True Story 16 Years Of War~

!6 years of living in fear every minute, 16 years living with barely 
any electricity,water, food,hurt from humiliation standing 
in line for hours to maybe obtain a loaf of bread for my children, 
some days due to lack of water, we would shower from the pouring 
rain on the roof,and for us that was a good day.
 
The fear of being stopped at a barrier from the militia, and if they 
decide to kill at the time, we would have been a good target, 
agonizing each day not knowing when a lost bomb would 
penetrate our roof tops,or bedrooms,running down for shelter 
at our neighbors first floor home,sometimes days in the same 
clothes no food,not even a drop of water,as we could not move 
from the hilarious shelling,bullets aimed at us the innocent who had 
nothing to do with politics and war.

We lived without once hearing a siren so we can run to the
shelter,nothing indicated where the shells will land,we had 
sometimes to cross the street to hide in our church,or other 
gatherings to escape the guerillas.

The only way to know if I can go to work and kids to 
university,was listen to the radio just to guess which way 
was safer to drive,many times over the years, bombs landed
not far from my car,had to leave and run underneath it
as a protection,my eldest son was once kidnapped for 3 days, 
once the banging on our door so loud, they came to take 
my children to fight with them, because they lacked 
men on the field.

Days I would arrive late to work due to the bombs.
My fear progressed as I was doomed and sensed disaster.
In summer we had no air condition due to no electricity,
in winter we had no heating,days we slept with our winter 
coats if we were not already in the shelter,16 years of war 
we slept awake.

My strength out of love to both my children,they graduated 
my eldest became an architect,and the youngest became a 
lawyer.
Had to send them away at a very early age,left alone with
my husband at the time. My duty was fulfilled when they 
both left. 

A happening that happened during that war,was my secret 
for years and years,I hid it,I kept it alive inside of me,not to 
allow anyone discover how I died and lived only because of 
my love towards my children,I was hiding for years,now only
something stirred deep in me,a voice,begging me to come
at peace within myself,is the only way to write it down,as 
enough is enough,no details,I will write,none to ask what,
why,when,who,only the rape happened,my spirit and soul
agonized,now I am a free woman.No more tears, no more
fears.

Today in a new country of freedom accepted me 25 years ago 
as a political refugee, I am very happy, my children are safe,
As we did survive 16 years of a major war in our country.

Freedom is so beautiful,feeling safe having showers,eating,
variety of food,getting a heater to remain warm,air condition 
during summer,driving with no fear,walking with a sense of
freedom,it took us a while to return to normal,
the truth became beautiful due to the transformation of our 
inner spirits,living in the depth of darkness for years took 
sometime to regroup our inner souls to run far from darkness
and live into the light again. Free At Last.

Therese Bacha
7 September 2014 
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