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Sometimes I have the courage to think of the things that made me what I am today, My memory takes me back to terrible things far away far off into my bitter past, My mind like a maze of dirty black alleys that smell of waste, loss and disgust, The losses, the drink ripped away, not happy until it was all gone respect as well. Invisible thinks of a garden where roses clustered with lilies scent on the breeze, Bees found stores of honey in the petals of a thousand and one different flowers, Lovers walked hand in hand along its winding path a beautiful dream of the man, Bright with the embroidery of nature where children played in new myrtle flowers, As Invisible thinks of this garden it is neglected but flowers can grow with weeds, It could put a smile upon his face, a face that had never known any joy recently, He hopes a gardener can covert this garden get rid of ruined waste, back into Eden, Tending all the beautiful flowers that spring up with the weeds and smell gladness. If he helped the gardener in his quest a hand might hold his and guide him through, Maybe a hand would go around his waist to support him as well as guide his hand, Dare he wish that the guiding hand and the support would be his angel from heaven, A dear person to help him clear his garden and walk down the winding path as lovers. An angel that would smile at him maybe hold his hand and squeeze it so very gently, Would the angel talk to him and tell him that one day they would be together again, Her beautiful grace shining warmly as she looks up to him, to her he is her hero, Not a drunken mess that cannot cope, not a dirty vagrant, but her knight her love. The tenderness of this beautiful scene in his poisoned mind became real he smiled, He grinned as she sat down next to him as close a she could get then wriggled closer, Warmth from her body not only warmed him but gave hope this what he has waited for, She whispered sweetly she loved him and would be waiting for him and they kissed. Invisible woke with a start and was she not by his side, was she ever with him, A dream another heart wrenching let down and how could he have dreamed the dream, It was so real he still felt the warmth, the impression of her hand holding his, But it must have been a dream his own mind conspired to deliver the hardest blow. Lost in a grief so deep, his loneliness complete he talks to Sam his imaginary friend. These days get worse Sam they really do please help me, I need to change but I need my drink more what can I do, But I need to change so desperately Sam can you help? My world has cracked and I've fallen into the crack, But what I don't understand Sam that I was once good, If I had any courage Sam I would be laying in my coffin, Why does life drag you along with it I don't want to go, Just a bit of icing on my cake Sam it is freezing cold, Did you know this is where I was brought up my friend, Did you know that most of the people that walk past I knew, Sam! I know many of there people but they don't know me, Why do they all walk past I wish somebody would help, Maybe when I have drunk more cider I might feel better Sam, I can remember being happy but not what being happy is like, As Invisible sits drinking shoppers give him a wide berth and they look at him with hate. These people Sam they look at me as if I have hurt them, The people they are not our sort of people they hate me, Has the world changed like I have but in opposite ways, My life is full of sorrow drunkenness and dreams Sam, Old sorrows wont go away new sorrows should take over, So we have to face both the old and the new that's bad, At night I try to close my drunken eyes it all returns, Sam is that the same as you can you close your eyes, Can you remember the valleys Sam the ones we used to play, When we ran about all day Sam in the sun rolling in grass, The old stream that twisted and turned, it had lost its way, Floating lolly sticks watching them bounce away on ripples, Buying bangers in November and throwing them into the water, What I wouldn't do to go back for just a couple of hours Sam, Just to feel the innocence and try to bring it back to now, To enjoy what there is to enjoy and maybe get better Sam, But that will never happen Sam we are lost on an island, A well populated island but an island all the same Sam, People are not like ships they don't bother to rescue people, They just walk around or just walk away all the nice ones gone, I remember my school Sam it's now been knocked down and left, It has all gone, all gone no primroses in spring or bluebells, Do you remember Sam the bluebells used to nod in the wind, But they have all been built on, whats the use in talking, Nothing changes from bad to good Sam remember that, eh Sam, Still drinking his cider tears well into his eyes his nose runs and begins to quietly to sob. He sits on the shopping parade seat, shaking as he sobs. His throat has a lump in it so he stops talking to Sam. Invisible sinks his wet face into his overcoat hides his misery from the people that walk past he just sat there lost and confused. His greatest sadness an angel paid a visit to the maze of dirty black alleys that smell of waste, loss and disgust,
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