Email Poem

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Personal Note:
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Poem
Friday rolls around 
I am too excited 
My pennies are saved 
My outfit’s sorted 
Bath and make up, done 
Ready for a big night out 

One problem 
It’s the afternoon 
Tick tock, 
Tick tock 
Hurry the fek up Mr. Clock 
You really, truly hate me 

'Cause of you I’m late for work 
Early for fun 
You bore me to hell with your incessant tick tocking 
If you had a real face I would… 

I’ll have a drink 
Chill 
Kill some time 
Just the one 
Lightweight 

I sip Whisky 
And twiddle my thumbs 
Bored on the highest level 
Eureka! 
I’ll check the Net 


Laptop open 
Booting up 
Logging on 
123 ABC 
Bingo, I’m in 

Surprise 
I have three emails 
Junk! 
Unless I needed to grow my ***** ten more inches 
Date a married man 
Or join Mob Wars and get one million fake dollars for online poker 
Now there’s a bit of competition for you 
NOT 

Facebook is where it’s at on a Friday afternoon 
Isn’t it? 
Let me see if there are any interesting status updates 
Nope 

Unless I care that Trudy is having a nice cup of tea after getting all her ironing done 
Wow, Susan planted apple trees on her farm, and took a snapshot (WTF?) 
David is with Mark, Kate and Lesley somewhere near Southend 
I’m glad I’m thousands of miles away from the weirdoes 

Oh, wait a second 
I have an invite! 
And it’s something to do with food 
My profile says I’m a chef 
I post tons of pictures of food 
Finally something worth opening 

Wrong! 
Amy has invited me to join Chef World 
Now I can work in a virtual kitchen cooking virtual food after spending all day in a real kitchen cooking real food 
Idiotic waste of time 

I click the link and enter a bright red kitchen 
Timers scattered 
Pots and pan readied 
Bacon eggs, beans and fries to cook 
All need coordinating 
Timing is crucial 

And she’s off 
Fries on 
123456 
Bacon, wait for it 
Wait for it 
On 
123 
Toast down 
12345 
Beans on 
123 
Toast pops 
Burnt 
Crap! 
Fries burnt 
Eggs burnt 
Crap 

I try again 
And again 
After 4 hours I’m a virtual pro 
The phone rings 
‘Kim, I’ll be there in ten, be ready.' 
'I'll try.' 
You've had all day, what you doing?’ 
'Murdering time.'
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