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9/27/12 What I sensed was not just in the mind Deep inside I didn’t want to believe my heart For what I now believe is inexorably unavoidable Into a crunch of instilled friction—silence is abhorred Everyone feels the deceit around them—all feel ignored In a wasteland of all that is horrid The emotions remain in the containment of barren soul Never was the feeling displayed so deeply No one knew I had not conquered completely Nothing has been won, for nothing was fought So leave this wretched nothing to rot I killed everything, for everything is gone Now all I have left is close to none And why must I live in this world anymore Where all I have done is tatter and tear? I am a false light and you are illuminated By a darkened mind and an aura bright Cradled in lies I rock about silently Knowing you are faltering—fighting blindly I don’t deserve any happiness—I deserve to die I can’t keep dropping things here—I cannot feed the lie! Their stings will end all And I will be the last to fall Alone Neither with the weak or strong You deserve to be happy And I deserve the worse torture imaginable I deserve your pain And every last sting I sensed you were left empty In my false lights of nothingness And can you guess what I did? Nothing I am the coward I am the Nobody And I’m not degrading—I’m fading It is your very right to hate me it is your very right to be angry But you do not deserve to be torn, burned, and rotting Because of my cold, silent broading Never saw it coming A false hero A coward—a zero You don’t need this You don’t deserve. . . Nothing.
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