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As the days turned into weeks, the weeks into months and months into years I wondered half-heartedly how so much time could pass me by. My life was a matter of simply getting through each moment. Existing but never living.

The days dragged on. Growing bleaker and bleaker with each passing moment. And, oh the nights how dark and lonely they always proved to be. Sheer exhaustion but never rest. Sleep was as foreign to me as the life I had one day known. The best I could have hoped for was to have collapsed into a heap.

The tears, how they streamed shamelessly down my cheeks. In the dark corner I sat trying to avoid the world. All alone. The pain unbearable. I couldn’t breathe. Only gasp between my sobs. Never-ending sadness moving in on me. Closing in until hysteria would come and take its place.

The pills. Oh, they helped for awhile. Eased the pain a little in the beginning but that didn’t last. So more doctors, more pills. Start taking this one and quit taking that. Stronger doses always called for though they never helped. Frustration added to the pain. Desperation finally took over.

Tonight’s the night. All alone. Making plans. Leaving notes. Will they forgive me? Will it matter if they don’t? Freedom on the other side of a bottle. A hot bath. A handful of these and another of those. It’s just a matter of time now. The tub is so relaxing. Growing sleepy. Now is the time. I have to let go. Eternity calls my name. No more pain. I am free.

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