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How I had hate for you, for a longest time in my life,
All I ever thought I was,  was the slave in your eyes,
T eaching me the lessons of life, with wrought hands,
Every time you beat me, you beat me like a man.

Pain was an illusion, I soon learned to over come,
Another beating over, well another soon will  come.
In your eyes I was a really bad child, where you had to punish me,
Nothing ever stopped you, not even my screams.

How you have hurt  me, scars I carry inside,
Understanding why for me, was a never ending fight,
Reliving all those memories, brings me much shame,
Toughen up you reckon, you must be insane.

Fearing you triggered my anxiety early on in my life,
Each day I'd come home from school, and all I wanted to do was hide,
Always alert, always on guard, always looking for signs,
Readying the will to take it again, just like every other time

Very vein you where of how I was raised, you often talked to friends,
Even beatings in front of them, putting me on display entertaining them,
In your mind you were justified, and I had to pay,
Never a care for me in mind, it's my fault you were that way.

Relentlessly  and repeatedly, I suffered from your rage,
All the time just screaming at me, because some how I misbehaved,
Getting it out of you system once, was never enough,
Enraged by the loss of yourself control, always re-sparked you off.

Love was the reason you told me, you did it cause you cared,
Over the years you ingrained this in me, So one day I could share,
Very proud of this love you were, I never went out,
Every time you thought I needed more, It was time for another bout.


Thirty four years of hate and anger it took me, 
before I could understand what real love was.

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