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Poem

Christmas day... 
scents from your chimney waft my way
curtains aside, a dozen cars are dusted by snow
boys in your yard cry out while pitching snowballs
sensing both comfort and sadness
holidays go on, even when stillness fills your home
surrounded by memories of Christmases long past
wondering what it would feel like to have family again
don a shawl, footsteps crunch in fresh snow
seeing a visitor from across the street, I wave
while on my way to join a neighbor’s celebration
preparing to smile at countless nameless faces
aunts, uncles, cousins, nephews
the “lady nextdoor” self consciously mingles
aching for solitude; dreading it as well
the visitor comes to mind, is she feeling the same
where alone, holiday survivors learn
to appreciate the peace....

I see a lady making her way next door
she smiles and waves from across the street
I give her a smile and wave back
grateful for a moment to stall before going in
we all showed as we said we'd do
a gathering of "family" to pay our due
appearances to appease
somewhere else I'd rather be
on this day is when I feel the most alone
this feeling of distance when I'm in this home
stilted, polite, unease when there's nothing left to say
it was long ago, when we all went our separate ways
it's gets too hard to remember
reliving the yesterdays of December
dreading being here, when solitude is what I want
I wonder about that lady, is she feeling just like me
where alone, I find refuge in the peace



*A collaboration with Sandra Stefanowich

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