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I am the vampire, is this thing on?
As I said I'm merely a pawn.
NOW you're recording? I am the vam--oh bother it all!
Must we do this in the bathroom stall?
Wolfman took the girl, anyway.
He's always out for the stray.
What was I doing?
Taking a coffin nap, with the possibility of snoring.
That's as violent as I got from head to toe.
Heck, I even heard Mummy might've had a go.
Can I go, now?
Well you got a bright light on me, 
Of course there's sweat on my brow!

Wolfman, here. Did you get that?
Wolf--wolf, louder? What do I look like a bat?
I'm not a shrieker.
Not like that vampire. George.
Who's George? That's his name.
George The Vampire. 
Boy are your background check's lame...
Answer the question?
What question?
No, I don't know a Linda May.
No, no, I was never at Creekside Way.
What do you mean you found her blood on my ear?
Lab work? Whatever. Talk to my lawyer.
I gotta run. Full moon's near.
It's a figure of speech! No not the running part.
I do LITERALLY have to run.
I meant the moon nearing.
So y'all best be fearing.
No, I didn't just threaten a police officer!
Just let me go before I turn a lot less nicer!

Mfmmrmmmummy...
Mhmm.
Mhmm.
Hm.
Hmfrmmkkrffmmkrffmmkrfmm!
Mm. Sorry. Could I get a glass of water, please?
Scratchy throat. Linda? 'Course I killed her, geez!

*Matt Caliri
*Halloween Fun
*(too much fun for a 20 line limit)

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