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Dear Miss Monkey Manners, I am writing to you out of desperation,
It seems that I may have a problem with excessive perspiration.
As a lowland gorilla I live in regions of extreme heat and humidity,
And my sweating has become a joke to those steeped in stupidity.
I’ve tried to explain that it is a matter of the metabolism of my body,
And that it has nothing to do with what it is that I do for a hobby.
I’m a poker playing silver back and enjoy a game with friends sometimes,
But I do not enjoy their taunting or their silly nursery rhymes. 

Poor old Morris Letts.
The more he bets, the more he sweats
The more he sweats the more he frets,
The more he frets the wetter he gets.
Poor old Morris Letts.

If they don’t stop their teasing I’m afraid I’ll rip out their stuffing,
If you want to see me work up a sweat just try and see if I am bluffing.

My Dear Morris Letts, I can tell from your letter that you are in some pain,
Please do your best to calm down. I don’t want to see you leave a stain.
To the best of my consideration you have three options that you might follow,
First you can rip the stuffing out of your friends until you leave them hollow.
Next you might move to a place where you’ll find the climate much more pleasant,
Or third, pry open that wallet of yours and buy yourself some antiperspirant.
The last option is by far the least exertion but roll-ons clog easily with hair,
And if you moved to another town who would you play cards with there?
This leaves you only one viable option so unless your veins run with sarsaparilla,
Go tear someone a new one because you are a sweaty silver backed gorilla!!
If you are half the ape that I think you are there’s no need for you to blush,
Just stick their heads in the toilet bowl and give them a royal flush.
I say, when the chimps are down fall back on what it is that you know the best,
So when the deck is stacked against you, roar and beat your gorilla chest.
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