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Where Is This Dog Mania Headed? By Elton Camp When people call dogs “their children” it make me curious If they are speaking metaphorically, or they may be serious Some actually go so far their great love of their dogs to prove To base their house purchase on whether the dog will approve If Bowser gets sick, many thousands they will gladly spend To see if the ailing mutt can be restored to good health again Companies find a ready market for health insurance for a pet To me, that shows how unbalanced this pet worship can get So, why bother to resist? Dress your so-precious cur in a suit Get him glasses so he can see better and look especially cute And when Bowser loses the battle and finally passes away, Put thousands in a casket, vault, and cemetery for him to stay So certainly after all this and they money that you’ve spent Get some preacher who will claim that it’s to heaven he went Even now good old Bower is trotting down the celestial street While he sprays with urine every fireplug that he does meet Some angry reader will say, “It’s nothing to you what I do,” And I will be quick to admit that what you say is very true I am merely attempting to appeal to common sense a tiny bit Your Bowser is really nothing but a dog, so don’t have a fit
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