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Real Estate Jargon Explained

By Elton Camp

When a house is for sale there’s good reason why
Trouble can come to anyone who advertises a lie

If the sellers certain expressions carefully choose
It will become easy the careless buyer to confuse

“This house is simply loaded with charm.”
Means we hope old and ugly won’t alarm

If you see it’s a “Pet friendly neighborhood,”
Dog manure in your yard should be understood

The praising note, “Easy access to the freeway”
Means thousands will pass your house each day

Beware the notation of “Low maintenance lot.”
Since neither front nor back yards have you got

“Historic house maintained in its original state”
It is a run-down old relic that you soon will hate

“It’s a doll house that you are going to adore.”
The house’s tiny rooms you’ll come to deplore

“The dwelling is located on a fine corner lot”
Then traffic both front and sides you have got

If the place is described as “Ready to move in,”
Then painted with the cheapest grade it has been

“A desirable neighborhood” means that its location
Has made it overpriced due to a snobbish reputation

If of “In-city living” the seller proudly does tell
Not safe to walk after dark it should say as well

If it is a “Handy-man special,” then better look out
The old place is ready to collapse without any doubt

If the advertisement should say, “Lots storage space,”
The basement is nothing but a dark, moldy disgrace

If the selling point is of “Seasonal water view,”
It means water was visible before the trees grew

If the seller says that “All your lot is usable land,”
You can know that not a single tree still does stand

If “Close to shopping” the advertisement does call
It means your backyard is adjacent to the big mall

When the imperative is that you must “See inside,”
It has a horrid exterior that is impossible to hide

If it is happily described as “Cozy, it should be read
That no room is big enough to contain a full-size bed

This is how “Make an offer” you actually should take:
It’s been long on the market so don’t make a mistake

The inviting phrase is “Watch wildlife from your patio”
You can expect to get ticks and fleas if outside you go

So if your house purchase in a year you will praise,
Watch carefully for the real meaning of each phrase
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