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My Painful Disguise

Every other night,
  When I look into my eyes,
I see a sad sight,
  Cause my heart is in a screaming plight.
All my life,
  I’ve walked a thin line,
I wish it went fine,
  But all in all not many have been kind.
Whenever things seem to be alright,
  I begin to fall and then I die,
As it happens every time,
  I wonder have I committed some crime.
Then I put on an actresses mask,
  And pray the pain disappears fast,
As it gets harder to act,
  I know the fake joy won’t last.
My heart is covered in black lace,
  And its quickly losing it’s pace,
While the noise gets louder in this place,
  I notice tears running down my face.
As I look around,
  My ice cold soul pounds,
When no happiness can be found,
  I faster than lightening slam into the ground.
Every time I hit the ground,
  There’s this deafening sound,
The more I crash it gets even more loud,
  I wonder if someday it will make me drowned.
Deep down inside,
  I wonder if I’ll ever shine,
Then I get these negative vibes,
  That dig like a thousand knives.
I continue to wonder if this life is a joke,
  Because years ago no one heard me when I spoke,
When my emotions inside broke,
  No one cared so I began to choke.
As time passes the hurt grows even more,
  So I begin searching for an open door.
My eyes must be poor,
  Because I can’t find even one door,
Even when I’m around other people,
  I feel like I’m in an empty room.
Because my heart continues to haunt me ghostlike,
  And over my head it looms,
When the world seems bright,
  I still feel haunted by this gloom.
I wonder in my heart and mind frightened,
  Is there going to be more doom.
My life seems to be in slow motion,
  Even through all this horrifying commotion,
I begin to crack and ignore my emotions,
  Suddenly my heart halts with no motion.
Every other night,
  I search my fading eyes,
And wonder why,
  I’ve given up my fight.
I dream of escaping this pain,
  The way people escape the pouring rain,
But the aching digs like needles in my veins,
  Everyday I fear I’ll quickly go insane.
Every other day and night,
  I ask myself why,
And what I did I do in my life,
  To have to live in such a painful disguise.
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