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FULL HOUSE

“Full house,”   she said     “Every seat’s taken
There’s an excitement out there!” she said
All he saw was the empty stage
                             a Steinway Grand       its bench
His accompanist stood off
          cigarette in hand     just exhaling a puff
                                                              so unconcerned
He was nervous    very nervous
                                                 but then
He was always nervous    and for hours before
He’d thrown up in the rest room a few minutes ago
Nothing new
He often threw up before a recital

Wild thoughts went through his head
    (those tall    thick    billowing curtains
                                         looked strangely threatening
                         so dark blue    grotesque)
His mouth felt dry
     (what if he should choke during the opening work?)
He felt a bit dizzy
     (what if he should pass out?
                       the fall shattering his priceless Stradivarius)
Was it too late to cancel the concert?
     (he was still slightly nauseous)
What would people think?
What would people say?
His accompanist was so calm
     (his accompanist must hate him –
                 hope that he might play poorly
                   look how he raised his chin as he inhaled
                      staring eyes
      what was he looking at?
                                             What was he thinking?)
There was that one passage in the concerto 
     (he’d played it hundreds of times
                        never satisfied
                                        never quite perfect
         what if he fumbled that passage
                                        even just one note?)
His tails felt tight
     (he should have had them altered
              What if the underarms split out?)

Everything at once!
He felt like running!
     (don’t be ridiculous!)
 
His manager was all smiles
“I tell you, Robert, there’s excitement out there!” she said

Robert’s knees were knocking
“You all ready?” she asked
Robert nodded, yes
The house lights dimmed
Boris, his accompanist, stomped his cigarette

“Out you go!” she smiled
(please don’t tell me to ‘break a leg’) he thought
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