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Here's the story of Hansel and Gretel
But, again, not like they said
Their's was way too humdrum
So, here's my version, instead

First, their father wasn't a woodcutter
He worked at the laundromat
He took quarters from the scrub boards
To make change and things like that

Hansel and Gretel weren't children
They were midgets from the Wizard of Oz
But this wasn't their first story
They first worked for a guy named Claus

Anyway, the witch was really a witch
That part of the story is true
But, this next part will be a surprise
And this, I promise you

Hansel and Gretel had been casing the joint
To rob that poor witch clean
They were the meanest two kid-lookin' midgets
That anyone had ever seen

Now, the witch was planning on eating them
Well, cause, that's what witches do
You really can't blame her for her cravings
She's just tired of pork rines and stew

She invited them in, they played some cards
It was time to execute her plan
She asked Hansel to check the oven
And she pushed him in the pan

Gretel was watching and knew what to do
As she jumped on the witch's back
Hansel pulled out his crossbow
It was time for him to attack

This next part is weird, you may not believe
But one day, maybe, you will
For while the battle was raging strong
Thru the door walked Dr Phil

"Can't we all just get along?" he said
As he proceded to stop the fight 
It took him only a minute or two
To determine which one was right

They agreed to disagree
And go their separate ways
For Dr Phil had come to the rescue
And, again, he saved the day

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