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Santa Claus, we’ve been out of touch 
and I don’t ask for very much 
but I have needs, and I’m in Dutch

I want to see the light of day
oh, and can you give me a sleigh
and a way to forget yesterday

can I have a smiling face
and something that will erase
memories of a certain place

give me something that doesn't kill
a beautiful lady with an iron will
a lonely howl, my bones to chill 

a wolf that travels all alone
a strange, unringing telephone
a statute with a heart of stone

a walk on a sandy beach
a dream that I can almost reach
and something you can't teach

I want to know how Santa would feel
about forgotten souls in a world that's real
when he slips on a banana peel

a little train engine that chugs
a hard-shell carapace for bugs
and shelter for a thousand slugs

a wounded soldier in a field
a red pin cushion and a shield
a blood slick broadsword I can wield

I want tree sides that grow no moss
and to know who is the boss 
but I won’t wear an iron cross

I want to meet the missing link
when I look to the sky to think
I want to see two blue eyes that blink

and sing a song I haven't heard
unknown to every beast and bird
burned from a childhood, blurred

and while I hear those eyes that sing
give me a butterfly with a broken wing
to match a broken arm and sling

an old jalopy that's turned to rust
thirty pizzas, but just the crust
and a faithful servant that I can trust

the whistle from an outbound freight
a starving stowaway in a crate
a fugitive on the interstate

I want a fleet of Yankee clippers
and dolphins, with rubbery flippers
who open their mouths with zippers

Santa, give me another drink
something, this year, that doesn't stink
an inkwell that's not devoid of ink

a voice that sings que sera sera
another punch and a broken jaw
a man made of old clothes and straw

a street slickened with blood and rain
a tangled derailed bicycle chain
another year, minus the pain

a secret that no one will tell
but everybody knows so well
of a not so well-hidden hell

invite the dormouse and mad hatter
pile everything up on a platter
and act as if nothing's the matter 

dig up some bodies from the bog 
a streetlight to cut through the fog
an ambulance and a mangy dog

put it all by the Christmas tree
I expect delivery to be free
don't forget a replacement for my knee

I'm wondering if I could obtain
a certification that I am sane
and in a ribboned box, a brain

a circus tent filled with friends
as invisible fate that portends
that they will come to tragic ends

a three wheeled magic scooter
a never-miss, precision peashooter
a teapot made of pewter

a field where it never rains
a ghost who can't escape his chains
a place for his remains

a disappointing piece of mail
slipping the grasp of fingers frail
an excited wagging tail

give me pipes that never leak
a woman who won't wake me up to shriek
and floorboards that don't creak 

give me a scene, fine and grand
the grasping hands of the damned
and show me Custer's one last stand  

remember me to the gang
rope me to a tree to hang
to a church bell's unrelenting clang

I'd like one rabbit and one hare
an ugly face, an angry glare
and a teaspoon of despair 

a town from centuries gone by
where people live but never die
and never hear the word "goodbye"

doughnuts without their holes
live, fresh bait and fishing holes
woods filled with wandering souls

give me a wide saw tooth grin
a water bucket to put it in
and give me Huckleberry Finn

I want two knees with lots of scratches
give me forty thousand matches
and an egg that never hatches

give me animals that you can't tame
set my house and barn aflame
let the devil take the blame

throw all the pills down the drain
give me a talking weathervane
and a disappearing train

give me tickets to the fair
to see things that are not there
when I look up into the air

give me wild Canadian geese
throw out my pants that have a crease
set me free, I want release

find me a treasure chest that's oaken
give me words that can be spoken
when everything is broken

won't you give me my last meal
stamp my forehead with a seal
that signifies that I was real

find my lover, drag the lake
bake me a tall wedding cake
cancel every bad mistake 

give me soup with bones and gristle
hold the rose, give me the thistle
teach my dog to whistle

a refrigerator magnet's face
a box packed with curtain lace
an imaginary warm embrace

a knick-knack that badly needs repairs
a porcelain cat that only stares
and always catches me unawares

if you know someone who cares
would you push me down the stairs
and include me in your prayers

along with holidays and good wishes
I want you to do the dishes
and fill the sea with floating fishes

as you sit at your laptop, deliveries graphing
the busy elves, that you are staffing
complain about your jolly laughing

ask those workshop elves and slackers
to give me Easter eggs and firecrackers
I'll pay you a thousand smackers

sorry, Santa, my mind went on the blink
hold on a minute, just let me think
I want only a kitchen sink
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