Email Poem

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Poem

I do not miss you.
There are nights I spend mourning what I lost, losing you,
Your smile, your sass, the way you could fix me when I was torn in half,
But I didn't lose you.
I didn't lose you because I never truly had you, 
You never let me into your world,
I could only watch as the foundations of our relationship crumbled before me,
You ended it, and it felt as if my life was over,
The future I had planned with you gone in an instant .

But what was over was the months of abuse and misuse by you,
The evenings I lost to sobbing over you because the only way I felt loved was if I played along, if I put myself through this hell for you,
All this fear, and this pain, and these scars,
Merely because I convinced myself that you could change, and that I was in the wrong,
But I was never in the wrong when it came to you,
I hear you call yourself a man of dignity, 
Say you ended things to protect me,
But how could you live with yourself,
Proclaiming innocence while I suffered in ways none of our friends could see,
I was only a child, careless and free, but here I am, you ruined me,
So blindsided by love, I was trapped in ways I couldn't grasp, 
You left, and I realized,
I'm free at last.

That's not the entire story,
Some of the worst things on my mind will never get to meet your eye,
But I am no longer trapped in that sick reality,
Controlled by someone who doesn't believe that they're hurting me,
The memories of what you did are still here, they still haunt me,
So I will not let myself miss you,
Not anymore,
I do not miss you.

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