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Fear and other things

I have recurring nightmares and tell myself
 to remember the dream in the morning
but I'm unable to recall the gruesome dream
I think it is about nuclear war 
When a seaman, I was often afraid of the ocean
especially in the Pacific, where waves look like 
the mountain that even unbalanced hangar ships
the ship on top of a watery mountain, then sliding
down, and in front of another gigantic wave,
will she be able to rise up again
I was in Nagasaki once, and by closing my eyes, I could
see when that Bomb was dropped as tableaux
of suffering people and death
Panic, where I lived before I came to Cascais, there was
a forest, I often walked there with my dog
but not far into the forest, one day, when thinking
about the mountain, what for lunch at the cafe
I ended up in the deep forest and lost by bearing
I think the dog sensed my distress and began 
walking, I followed,  every so often turned to see
if I was there until I recognized my surroundings 
and bravely took charge 
This is not romantic of me, but I do not dream about
women in my life, except Teresa in
Trinidad, I remember her beautiful smile and stars,
 light up the world was a good place, to think she was pro
Other women are fading slowly, and faces are in deep 
shadow as they disappear from memory

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