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Feeling as if you’ve been kicked in the nuts with a golf shoe is similar to being ghosted by someone with you had a connection. By someone that listened. I blame myself for these feelings and for having unwarranted expectations. I blame myself for this false feeling of rejection.
In the room, smoke gathers, thick as the fog rolling off the hills at dawn. My bowl stays hot so much it looks like red is part of the design. My cigars stay burning like the passion of some for Babalon.
"They tend to misunderstand the paper man with scissors hands that watches the hourglass for grains of sand to fall and fall again as he pretends everything he lays his hands on doesn't turn to ." Twiztid LDLHAIBCSYWA 
It's always easier to say something, then it is to do it. Positivity and achieving goals brings your heart to warmth and flutters in your gut. Silver tounges and slithering souls bring doubt, bring indecisiveness. They turn your thoughts and actions into smut.
I anxiously search for my next puff. Do I want nicotine and tar? Would I rather float away and be more cross-eyed than Baltazar? 
Faith don't fail me now. Wake up and instantly smile for making it through another night alive. We are meant to live and evolve in this life. Not simply only trying to survive. 
Take another toke, filling my lungs with toxicity and chemically stuffed smoke. Hoping the effects will soothe the weight carried and leave me with the right joke. 
Pack the glass with what used to be a crime and is now dispensed as medicine. Introduce the bic to the bliss and inhale. The change is instant rushing through ever nerve. Making your eyes look like you are Mexican. 
Cigars & Tree occupy my life. They reside in my soul and control my choices. Quitting cigars is easy. I have done it three times before. I will die holding my bowl in my hand. That's not an option. It helps too much with the pain and calms the voices.
Today I turned forty-two. Today I witnessed quality over quantity first-hand. My sisters sent their love with pixels formed as words. I saw two of my three brothers and got quality time with all of them with no command. 
Mom and Booger dropped through with some gifts and, as always, a cake on your and her special day. Reminds me of the time I took my first breath, at 2:15a.m. She tries to be a family so badly. Keeps traditions she has and always stays in touch. It's the american dream, nobody wants to see it. They are living the average cliche.
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