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Galore of buzzfeeding, needling and scamming female hustlers... with a scheming, loving, and enticing guise alive and well seeking gullible guys (once upon a time just like me), who experiences close encounters of masterly baited entrapment on Facebook Messenger and most likely endemic on other social media platforms. My humblest bumblebee apology if nothing but utter milky confusion ensues from legions of double entendres, and puns lobbed across your screen in a harmless attempt to parry and thrust with playfulness, but take a deep breath cause by the end of this posting (girl scout's honor) you will wheeze after weathering tumultuous introduction to poetic missive of mine merely meant to tickle those axons populating the nose about to make the nostril(s), and neurons as a tease sne, snee...sneez...achoo...sneeze analogous to a feather sorry if you get an allergic reaction and experience more'n knocked knees. No easy way to offer you an abridged version (and brook those undercurrents of riptides) that wrought havoc and delivered nothing but hard times to this writer and kin the latter (two grown daughters) long since launched successful lives. I constantly felt rent asunder and whipped (though miraculously survived) this way and that (by abysmal fate) in what most likely appeared to be beyond the ability to function, yet someone (by the slick grace of some divine force, and faith no more in inherent strength) wordsmith performed requisite duties as house husband and father never experienced deliverance (cue dueling banjos) after dehydration videlicet salivation from accursed dirty deeds done dirt cheap to be adumbrated within subsequent sketchy following lines of gibberish possibly triggering favorable rapport with thee dear reader to evolve. How impasse and quagmire of cumulative emotional, financial, and spiritual tsuris bogged me down courtesy the swamp thing (near to the point of emotional, mental and physical suffocation) would necessitate an acquaintanceship to be established analogous to purchase computer components at best buy which assemblage of functioning moon units game plan for this moderately agitated guy, (which psychic state exemplified via frenetic and jangling prose) and impossible mission to attempt a summarization of once dire dilemma back some years from the here and now. So many issues assaulted and beat down upon this ordinary specie of Homo Sapiens severely undermined capability to enjoy existence. Okay, I will try to isolate each strand of one mishmash tapestry, which tight weave of duress worn like some tattered uncomfortable trojan made ribbed miniature overcoat. Unsure if ye might perceive yours truly (the writer of these words) as did the missus consider me a "good" catch perhaps the reply might be to go fish or fetch p'raps calling me nuttin - just an ole letch butta hope not to make a ya retch this unknown older laddie nada a suite executive by any stretch more so a bumbling wretch. This dollop of gobbledygook me level best to offer a virtual brightened and enameled then (at time of crafting these words gap toothed smile revealed remaining few teeth - think jack o lantern, now yours truly sports full set of dentures) after periodontal disease bacteria did infest and whittled away jaw bones, thus neither false pearly whites nor misshapen physique representative hardly the imprimatur of a gentleman quarterly magazine model beau geste as you can deduce, I like to write for fun and jest, which some find to be a fossilized pest and in my mind I let flit fantasies for some erotic quest followed by a blissful rest once confirming my tool passes the electric kool acid battery test, thence prayerfully hope to regale in such physical closeness with zeal and zest. We could (in our respective wet dreams) possibly find ourselves walking down that wedding aisle, no matter we rank as utter and complete strangers and ye may misperceive me as some old decrepit human crocodile making a proposition to pledge our troth when we never met yet...the fickle finger of fate works in a most awesome and unpredictable ways, but please no need to feel obliged to give a number for me to dial unless...comfort and ease arises to go that extra green day mile per responding to this older mwm with a poetic and prosaic penchant swiftly taylored and harried styled. So...if offered salvation of eternal life against condemnation imposed since birth per mortality vis a vis unfair fate so cruel this plain speaking male suffered prepubescent emotion null budding nipped, and fully flowered anorexic loosestrife would be game to allow, enable, and provide the grim reaper to take monopoly of mein kampf and to take a chance well worth and take at least one sip from fountain of youth and duel with divine creator a greater match than my darling wife, who did not deserve just desserts administered, doled, heaved out to her as undeserved mistreatment. No emerald, ruby sapphire nor flash in the pan could ever sway me away from living a short span that would allow and offer at least a millennium I know such a garden of eden solely in thy imagination of this ordinary man. I, (an articulative, contemplative, non manipulative and speculative married celibate, friendly, circumspective, introspective, respective barbarian Neanderthal, disestablishmentarian, latitudinarian, proletarian, sexagenarian, solitudinarian, utilitarian, and Unitarian married male) try to make crystal clear my unswerving, and unvarying pursuit for life, liberty and a platonic relationship with acceptable, affable, amiable, available, bankable, cherishable, compassionable, creditable demonstrable, endurable, enjoyable, equitable fashionable, favorable, formidable, honourable, impregnable, indomitable, ineradicable, inimitable for starters general type of women agreeable to me. I hate to entertain lofty delusions or illusions of glandular grandeur but one night stands never appealed to this above average, boyish looking individual, even when I lived far from the madding crowd as a Norwegian bachelor farmer in Lake Woebegone. Living social in pseudo wedded bliss, those tempestuous altercations I do not miss.
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