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I SAT HERE IN CRISIS HEARING MY FETUS HEARTBEAT SEVERE EMOTIONAL MENTAL ILLNESS BREATHLESS PANTING SEVERE DEPRESSIVE DISORDER ANXIETY DISORDER PANIC DISORDER FINALLY STAYING FOCUSED ON MY HEART IRREGULAR HEART BEATS FUNNY BEING I WORE WIRES PREGNANT FOR THE FBI BUYING WEAPONS AND DRUGS FROM JUNK SICK COPS TODAY AND EVERYDAY I STILL HEAR MY FETUS HEARTBEAT KNOWING THIS IS THE HERE AND NOW BUT SOMEHOW IT'S JUST HERE I'M BACK THERE BROKEN FEARING MY SAFETY FEAR OF BEING MURDERED BY VIOLENT OFFENDERS JAMAICAN DEALERS ARRIVED TO END MY LIFE OVER MY AMERICAN POETRY PARKING AN APPLIANCE TRUCK AT MY TOWNHOME I SAT CONTACTING THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION PLEASE HELP ME PLEASE THESE KILLERS ARE HERE TRAMPLING OVER MY MIND MY HEAD POUNDING SUFFERING PAIN AND SUFFERING TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY COPING MY HANDS ARE SWEATING STRANGE METALIC TASTE IN MY MOUTH I GATHER MY MEDICATIONS AN FEEL A SENSE OF DREAD THE WORLD WOULD BE BETTER OFF IF I JUST ENDED MY OWN LIFE TERROR MENTAL TERROR BEING BULLIED BY KILLERS DRUG DEALERS ANGRY JUNK SICK COPS IT IS TERROR TERRORISTS THREATS IDENTITY FRAUD ONE OF THEIR OWN ANGRY FEMALES OBSESSED WITH MY POETRY OBSESSED WITH MY DEATH OBSESSED WITH MURDERING ME AS I PLEADED WITH GOD TO ALLOW ME TO KILL MYSELF AND STILL ENTER INTO HEAVEN ODDLY HE AGREES WHY NOT KILL MYSELF KILLERS ARE ANGRY BRUTAL AND I AM SUFFERING A SEVERE MENTAL BREAK STOCK PILED ENOUGH MEDICATIONS TO DIE IN SECONDS FLATLINE SUDDEN DEATH I HEAR THE FIRST RESPONDERS YELLING STAY WITH ME AS I SMILE AS ALL MENTAL.ILLNESS BEGANS TO FADE I'M NOT FEARING ANY MAN I REALIZED THISNIS THE ONKY WAY TO END THIS ONGOING TERROR OVER FOUR DECADES LOOKING BACK NOW I'M JUST TIRED DRAINED TIRED OF DOMESTIC TERRORISTS ATTACKING ME WITH THREATS BECAUSE I WORE WIRES PREGNANT FOR THE FBI BUYING WEAPONS AND DRUGS FROM JUNK SICK COPS I TRULY BELIEVED WE WERE MAKING A DIFFERENCE SAVING LIVES AN YET I SUFFER IN SILENCE ANXIETY DISORDER AGORAPHOBIA ON SO.MUCH MEDICATIONS KEEPING ME ALIVE KEEPING FROM SUICIDE FUNNY THOUGH FUNNY INDEED CRISIS TEAM KEEPS SAYING YOU BELONG HERE YOU ARE LOVED I SAY I WANT TO DIE I WANT HER DEAD SHE KEEPS ME IN BONDAGE A SLAVE TO MEMORIES NIGHT TERRORS HEARING MY FETUS HEARTBEAT EVERYDAY SINCE THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION INSTALLED THE WIRES ON MY WOMB IT TOOK YEARS TO SPEAK ABOUT MY MENTAL ILLNESS MY HEART HURT TO TALK BUT CRISIS TEAM HELPED SAVE MY LIFE MY THERAPISTS MY PSCHIATRISTS TREATMENT KEEPS ME COMFORTED UNTIL THREATS EMERGED ANGRY KILLERS DRUG DEALERS NEEDING MY AMERICAN POETRY FOR GAIN MY POETRY HAS KELP ME FROM SUICIDE MY THERAPIST PSCHIATRIST ALL SAID IT'S GOOD TO JOURNAL YOUR FEELINGS UNTIL THIEVES SHATTERED OUR HOME RIPPING PAGES ON MY NIGHT STAND DOMESTIC VIOLENCE SURVIVOR COPING THROUGH WRITING THE PTSD WANT ALLOW ME TOTAL COMFORT BUT I'M HERE INJURED ILL BROKEN I'M ALIVE HERE I'M HERE I FEEL NUMB I FEEL EMPTY I FEEL DEAD I INVIZION MYSELF DECEASED IT FEELS COMFORTED I'M COMFORTABLE TAKING MY OWN LIFE GOD IS GOOD IT WILL BE OKAY
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