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My world is slowly falling apart
I know that there’s only one person
Who’s caused this change to happen

You’ll start sarcastically joking 
With me on the phone
I’ll read your messages
And though they feel
Like a stabbing pain entering my heart
At a fast rate
I won’t tell you anything
For fear that you’ll get sick of me
And say 
‘You don’t understand jokes at all’

In a week
You’ll call me worthless
When I begin to
Question our friendship
You’ll say it’s just a joke
Doesn’t mean anything
Just relax a little
You’ll roll your eyes and smile
I’ll smile in a fake way back
You won’t know about 
The negative thoughts that surround my head
As I cast my eyes on the floor
Very deep in thought

You’ll start to body shame me
As if I could change the body
That I was given
As if all the constant eating and gym visits
Could fix what others didn’t like
As if all the skincare and haircare products
Would make me ‘naturally beautiful’
They don’t work
Believe me, I’ve constantly tried
Tried to live up to your expectations
Yet if I body shame you 
You’ll become pissed off
What am I supposed to do
Keep quiet and never respond?

And I remember distinctly 
The repeated amount of times
I begged you not text me such things
How your words had
Negative affects on me
How I’d lay under my covers at night
Dreaming of different ways to 
Suffocate myself 
But
When I’d wear my necklace with 
A safety pin on
You’d see it
And think nothing of it
While everyone else noticed and asked
You keep sending me those awful text messages
To a point where I wish
I had blocked you before

It’s as if I knew our friendship wouldn’t last
But I’d still try to pull on the last string
To keep our already - falling friendship 
Together
You’ll grab a scissor and cut it off
Turn your back on me 
And smirk
I’d stand back up
And pull again
And again
And again

In a few weeks
When you text me once more
This time
I genuinely become annoyed
By your usual sarcastic remarks
I’ll text something in the least hurtful way
You won’t answer 
Your friends will
They’ll go on about how I’ve
Bullied all my friends away
How short and petite I am
How I can’t keep a single friend in my life
How I’m only friends with people
That will use me all over again

I’ll text you that we aren’t friends anymore
That I’m sick of your constant picking and
‘Sarcastic texting’
Do I hope you’ll respond?
I do
And you never do
Your friends will
It had come to a point in time
Where I laid my phone flat on the classroom table
And blocked you for good
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