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IT SETTLES AS I FINALLY BEGAN TO FOCUS AFTER HOURS OF RANTING PANTING SEARCHING THROUGH PAGES THE DEVASTATING EFFECTS OF BEING STALKED BULLIED PANIC ATTACKS INVADE MY CHEST WALL CAVITIES BRUISING MY RIBS AN YET I CAN'T STOP BREATHING LONG ENOUGH TO END MY SUFFERING I SEE MY BODY DECEASED CALM A RATHER QUIET CALM I CRAVE THIS SOLITUDE AWAY FROM DOMESTIC TERRORISTS AWAY FROM DOMESTIC THREATS I REACH FOR A GLASS OF COLD WATER SOOTHING MY MIND WANDERS ACROSS THE GALAXY AND INSTANTLY I'M BACK THRERE WEARING WIRES PREGNANT BUYING WEAPONS FOR THE FBI FROM.JUNK SICK COPS BREATHING SWIFTLY DOWN MY NECK I CAN'T SHOW FEAR BE BRAVE I TELL MYSELF A YOUNG MOM WATCHING THE FBI INSTALL THE WIRES ON MY BELLY WONDERING WHAT TO COOK FOR DINNER TUNA CASSEROLE OR CHICKEN TONIGHT SHOULD I BY TIDE SOAP OR ARM AND HAMMER MY FACE IS FLUSH MY HANDS SWEATING AN YET I'M NOT ALIVE I FEEL DEAD DECEASED I WANT TO LEAVE THIS WORLD BEHIND BUT WHAT WOULD MY FAMILY SAY HOW WILL THEY SURVIVE THE LOST OF AN ILL PERSON YOU KNOW I HATE PANIC ATTACKS LEXAPRO BUSPRIONE LAMOTRIGINE ORLANZAPRINE KEEPS ME GROUNDED STILL HOWEVER MY MIND RACES UNCONTROLLABLE PANIC FEAR THE KILLERS ARE COMING TO BLOW MY BRAINS OUT JUST LIKE BEFORE I'M DEAD LAYING SO STILL MOURNERS ARE ARRIVING NOW WOW SHE LOOKS SO PEACEFUL LIKE SHES SLEEPING WHAT HAPPENED HOWD WE NOT KNOW SHE WAS SO SICK SO LOST SO AFRAID THOUGHTS PRESS ON MY BRAIN MY BRAIN HURTS IT FEELS LIKE MY SKULL IS BITING MY BRAIN PRESSING PAIN MY HEART HURT IT'S POUNDING I'M IN FULL BLOWN AFIB HEART FLUTTERING AN YEAR I WANT THIS PANIC ATTACK TO END THE KLONOPIN BEGAN CALMING ME DOWN RATIONAL THOUGHTS OF JESUS ENTERS MY MIND HIS MOTHER MARY I AM SURROUNDED BY LIGHT CRAVING DEATH WHY CAN'T I JUST LAY HERE AND DIE LEAVE THIS HARSH WORLD PEOPLE SAY BE STRONG YOU SURVIVED BEING A CONFIDENTIAL HUMAN SOURCE YOU SURVIVED A CAR BOMB YOU SURVIVED AN ASSASSINATION YOU SURVIVED TWO STROKES AN YET I'M SO BROKEN I'M AN ANTIQUE  BROKEN TEAK WOODEN TABLE RATTLING WITH A CRACKED TEA CUP ON A WHITE DOILY MY MIND IS FRAGILE ONE SUDDEN MOVE IT ALL ENDS I'M DEAD RESTING BETTER NOW SUDDEN SURGE OF CHEMICAL IMBALANCES IN MY BRAIN MY MIND CALMLY WRITES OF MY SORTED MOOD SWINGS WITH PSCHOTIC FEATURES ALONE REACHING FOR GOD THERE MUST BE GOODNESS IN TRUTH HOPE RESTORED FEAR QUIETED COMFORTED BY MY FETUS HEARTBEAT CAN YOU HEAR THEM SOFT FAINT GENTLE LIFE INSIDE OF ME I STILL HOLD MY BELLY WHERE THE FETUS ONCE LIVED INSIDE MY WOMB COVERED WITH WIRES FBI WIRES I COULDN'T HOLD MY BELLY WITH THE WIRES ON SO WHEN SHE MOVED I HAD TO PRETEND I DIDN'T FEEL A THEN TO MAKE SURE NOT TO ALERT THENKILLRRS I REMEMBER THINKING STAY STILL SWEETHEART TOLL WE LEAVE THIS HOSTAGE SITUATION AND I WILL HOLD YOU ALL NIGHT MY DREAMS AND HOPES SHATTERED BY GUNMEN JAMAICAN FEMALE TERRORISTS ATTEMPTING TO TO MURDER ME FOR MY POETRY FOR MY IDENTITY I WISH I COULD JUST DIE THEN FINALLY HER IDENTITY FRAUD WILL DIE WITH ME KLONOPIN KICKS IN A TIME RELEASE RESCUE EFFORT TO SAVE ME FROM ANOTHER  MENTAL BREAK SCARY THOUGHT PANTING QUIETLY MY CHEST STILL HURTS AS I WONDER IF I COULD JUST DIE TODAY HIW HAPPY I WOULD BE TO HAVE A REAL DEATH AWAY FROM STALKERS BULLIES IMPOSTERS I COULD JUST WALK AROUND HEAVEN ALL DAY
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