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Let’s Eat Something New This Christmas
(Parody of Have a Holly Jolly Christmas)

I can make some spicy tacos
better than the ones down south.
Please though know to eat them slow
or they may burn your mouth.

Try my sauciest lasagna 
better than a Christmas ham.
Cheese galore – I like that more
than even roasted lamb.

Some get hung up on foods
so traditional.
My foods you cannot call
repetitional.

For dessert, there’s tiramisu.
I’m so sick of pumpkin pie.
Cookies crumble
so I grumble: why not new foods to try?

Christmas Balls,
(Parody of Jingle Bells)

Christmas balls, Christmas balls on my Christmas tree.
I’ve got a cat that’s such a rat beneath the tree he’ll pee -ee.

Christmas balls, Christmas balls, flying through the air.
When both cats get hold of them, they scatter everywhere.

One night I took a pause because I’d heard a crash.
Hoped it might be Claus bringing me some cash.
I saw my big dog’s face. She looked up guiltily.
To those darn cats she’d given chase destroying our tree! Oh!

Repeat refrain: 
Christmas balls, Christmas balls on my Christmas tree.
I’ve got a cat that’s such a rat beneath the tree he’ll pee -ee.

Christmas balls, Christmas balls, flying through the air.
When both cats get hold of them, they scatter everywhere.

Two oldies:

I Heard Mother (to tune of "I Saw Mother Kissing Santa Clause") 

 I heard Mother scolding Santa's elf
 As I prowled the house on Christmas Eve.
 He'd hid in St. Nick's sleigh And then sneaked out to play 
After having waited for his boss to fly away. 
Mother caught him gobbling all our snacks 
After he tore open every gift. 
Oh, when she glared down at his face, 
He went scrambling from our place 
Screaming, "Santa, stop the sleigh-
 I need a lift!"

New Body
Parody of the Xmas Song: White Christmas 

 I'm dreaming of a new body 
with every chocolate I unwrap. 
But I can't stop eating, I can't stop cheating. 
 There's just too many Christmas snacks. 
My nightmare is a pot belly -with every Christmas treat I take.
 But I can't stop feasting, my size increasing; 
when I stand on the scales they'll break.
 Yes, I'm dreaming of a trim waistline,
so take that Chex mix from my face. 
May my buns be smaller and flat, 
 and may all my body lose its fat!

(I no longer make Chex Mix. It’s just too tempting)
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