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It's Christmas eve dawn
and something is very wrong
For the children unable to wait
watching for Santa and it's late
The stockings are empty not even a lump of coal
no presents under the tree did Santa bestow
Three little faces ever so sad
where they really, seriously, that bad bad and bad?
Cookies on the plate and a glass of cold milk
No Santa down the chimney what a hand to be dealt
Moping lost hoping three children drag themselves upstairs
than clunk and clack they suddenly hear
And the fat ole elf in their parlor appears
   Dear ole dear so so late, throw down the bag don't hesitate
   three children and presents for all, got to get going...
   Cookies? love those love those walnut chocolate chip
   just munch a few and make it quick
But before Saint Nick could eat one at all
he was surrounded by joyful children enthrall
  Almost crying gleeful with cheer
  Santa oh Santa we love you so dear
   Hmmmm...oh Ho Ho Ho, hey kids got to go
   Christmas eve about over time for the North Pole
  Santa dear Santa please stay for Christmas
  you are number one on our celebrity wish list
   Now children please my job is done
   need to get rest for the next upcoming one
  We got roast turkey and a glazed honey ham
  cranberry sauce and butter rolls with homemade jam
  Giblet gravy with mashed potatoes and mac and cheese
  sage dressing, butter corn candy yams and green peas
   Candy yams, mmmm...with marshmallows perhaps
  Yes yes and assorted pies and a rum flavored fruit cake
  eggnog  and hard apple cider and Tums for a belly ache
   Well well well hard apple cider you say
And with that the jolly ole elf grab the children for a big hug
   hurry now hurry now your parents must awake burn the rug
dashing up the stairs their parents they brought down
And a laughing hungry Santa in their parlor they found
   Now onward and forward there's a Christmas dinner to be made
   in the kitchen stop bitxxxx it's time to bail hay
So off the family went to get the cooking done
a Christmas feast they made and a glorious one
Dear Santa Claus supervised with a glass of chill wine
and together as a family they made excellent time
Cheeks rosy and red was his nose
belt undone boots off stench from his feet and toes
At the head of the table Santa did set
A quick prayer and they all begin to et
a turkey leg he was chomping and half of the pig
the candy yams he gobbled downing a hard cider swig
A large belch and some toots from down below
Santa eating for the family was a stunning show
pies and rum fruit cake and liquor chocolate he chewed
the fat jolly elf really enjoyed his food
Up on the roof he heard stomping about
  Easy! Easy! he heard the elves shout
   My oh my how the time has gone by
   guess I better take a doggy bag for the rest of those pies
So in a wink of an eye and bellowing Ho Ho Ho
Santa on the roof in his sleigh there he goes goes goes
The kitchen trashed the feast all gone
somehow for Christmas this felt a little wrong
The dinning room a disaster dirty plate after plate
the family in shock as the beloved fat elf escaped
  What the FXXX was that little Timmy did shout
and to the rest of the family there was no doubt.

All ran to the window to hear his distant call
Dear Santa shouting sorry about the toilet it may be full and clogged.

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