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I breathe hurt
What if all those rumors were true?
The rumors that shipping two young people together only made it true?
What if those rumors were so true that I tried so hard to make things work when I realized I was rushing?
No, it didn’t go that far, 
My one true friend isn’t with me, not in the same school, and far away from contact.
Everyone else just feels like a faux. 
Like robbers taking a piece of my life that has dwindled to nothing.
I’m exhausted.
I’ve been torn apart, spread so thin people can see right through my smile that hides the depression I hold deep within me. 
I’m spread so thin I’ve forgotten how to hide my emotions, and so I constantly contradict myself.
I want to run from my problems.
I know it isn’t the answer, but would it hurt to just put my problems on the back burner until I have to deal with them?
The more I run, the more I fear the future, and the less I run, my emotions take the best of me.
Which option seems to be better?
That I don’t know.
One that I probably will never know.
“Healing is a process,” People say.
Have they faced my mental breakdowns?
Have they faced the hurt I went through and the embarrassment I’ve faced in my family?
Have they faced my mixed emotions? The times where I’ve thought this is too much to handle but I can’t give up because I don’t have the guts to?
Have they faced the fact that half of the time these mental breakdowns happen to me because I feel lonely, scared, and anxious? All at once?
However, In one swift motion, everything I love gets ripped away from me. 
So much so that it makes me weak,
So, my final question.
What if I never existed?
What if I meant nothing to anyone so it wouldn’t hurt this much like it does right now?
Because this is truly what pain feels like.
I’ve lost myself,
I don’t know who I am, or why I’m here.
I’ve disappointed too many people in this lifetime and failures shouldn’t define you, should they define you and you have dug yourself into a deep hole.
Maybe I shouldn’t exist, so that the ones who mean a lot to me in my life don’t have to suffer from my poor decisions.

If        

      There
                   
                     Was
                          
                               A
                              
                                        Way 
                                                
                                                     To
                        
                                                                 Fade
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