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I didn't know what to say.

For once in my life, I was quiet.

I stood there, nails digging into my palms, it stang;

Eyes too, tears reflect what they see;

Tinnitus, blood rushes up above, defies gravity.



I couldn't say what I wanted to.



The lights, with a thud they jump on;

Right on me, here

My lips quiver, 

It's hot, my skin itches, to be peeled off like week old dressing;

It's frigid, every part of me aches, shakes like a dog in the rain. 


"Where am I?"

I call out, 

Realise it was not outloud,

Refrain.

I don't know what I'm meant to say.



Each part of my limbs trembles, torso supported by boughs of willow shaking in the wind.

Mouth opens, closes again,

And again

And again

And again.



The audience grumbles in their seats, 

Stones in hand, torches in the other

The music swells, violin takes over, 

Expecting me to sing.



"They're growing tired,

Do something,"

The stage director yells.

Climbs up onto the stage.


The front row is blurred.

I don't know who they are,

Yet the dread of familiarity fills me

The centre seat reflects my own face.



The director runs up, a strike lain across my face,

She's sitting as if she owns the place

Another, cheeks sting, match the misplaced rouge,

Why does she sneer?

Another, tears fall, the dams break

Why does she laugh?

Another, and my knees meet the ground.



It's frigid, my dress tattered, audience entertained.

They laugh, they gasp

They squeal, clap.

My head matches the green of my gown.

Crimson matches the nails in my palm.



She stands up, visage grabbing fae,

There, in the crowd, 

She turns, bows

What audacity?

This is my tragedy to endure

Mine to embrace.



I stand, nay, I try

For my legs give way.

Pity, they've betrayed me too

I would do the same.



I run to her, put my hands around her

Neck,

I put my life in it,

She stands strong, stoic

The audience rages in laughter.



My head meets the ground again,

The orchestra subsides

The show is over,

I'm out of sight.



I wake up on the stage,

Lights blaring

Blind me

Bruises line my jaw

Scratches further ruin me



It's fun

I'm part of the show

I don't know my lines

But they all laugh so


Perhaps if I stop

They'll go away

My limbs keep dancing however

For love, however rancid, tastes the same.



I'll keep on dancing

Dance until she smiles

I'll hold my tongue and my breath,

Bow when the applause dies.
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