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I went to my car dealer, I hoped to save the planet
The saleslady told me EVs were cheap, and to call her Janet
She said we've got so many subsidies, and they're a great deal
I bought a F-150 Lightning truck, thought it was a steal
Janet waved as I drove off, then drank some champagne
Her staff slapped her on the back, did she call me a birdbrain?

But I loved the way it handled, how it would accelerate from a ramp
Zooming down that highway, I felt like a champ
And when it idled, there were no clouds of exhaust
I boasted to my friends about such clean tech for low cost

Then came Hurricane Michael, a storm out of hell
I couldn't stay in the flood plain, had to reach a motel
Drove the f-150, through torrential rain
Had to find a charger but there was jammed traffic in my lane
Finally found one in the parking lot of a Walmart store
Then the lights went out, no electricity any more

I was stranded in a hurricane, with a useless EV
flood waters rising, winds to an ultimate degree
Saw a roof fly away, then a tree tore
Made a dash for the Walmart, they let me in the door
The outer band passed us, with lightning and thunder
My EV was submerged, even the doors were under.

The sky glowed evilly, then a mailbox hit the truck
The battery exploded, what a cluster of bad luck
A cloud of carbon monoxide, and hydrogen chloride into the air
Hurricane Michael mixed with flame, was more than I could bear
Toxic gasses towering high, anything but green
I swallowed Walmart Whiskey watching that nightmarish scene

The rainwater reacted with the Lithium, and the hellscape got even worse
How did my f-150 Lightning suddenly become such a curse?
I started crying in the Walmart, people told me to be calm
While outside my pride and joy had become a toxic bomb

So now I live in upstate Ohio, and my new car guzzles gas
They tried to sell me another EV, but I politely took a pass
I did send an email, just to vent to dealer Janet
I said if I were the feds, anything renewable I would ban it
I should have stopped there but I sounded insane
I criticized her hairstyle, and her type of champagne
I kept going, and I let the venom flow,
I wrote she should sell swamps in the everglades, a low blow

I got a letter to cease and desist, so I had to refrain
But I'll never forget that hellscape, of fire and of rain
It was like a sci-fi movie, with cutting edge special effects
But with bad implications for our leader's intellects
You may want to save the planet, but the planet may not save you
Every storm cloud that passes reminds me of what I went through
Not to mention Walmart Whiskey, I've gone off that too
So my car will guzzle gas, and plants will guzzle CO2
There's got to be a better way, for now, the old must do.
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