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Poem
Fixated on the chemistry of it the human brain 
the sudden chemical imbalances that surge a 
sudden quickening of memories stored forgotten 
carefully store in an attic between boxes of brain 
matter manifested over time wondering if someday 
they could be unpacked finally used as some sort 
of memory foundation an yet sudden emotions 
seems to shatter the system of ones own thinking 
skills driven by an unthinkable realization of being 
water boarded tortured simply to release images
 
finally experiencing sessions after sessions talk 
therapy physical therapy occupational therapy 
medication management because who truly wants 
to remember wearing wires pregnant for the FBI 
buying weapons and drugs from junk sick cops 
sweating eyes glaring hands shaking revolver damp 
you watch the barrel you can't take your eyes off 
his finger on the trigger do as he ask be seated 
be quiet listen don't speak he's so afraid of you 
why you've entered a hostage situation FBI is parked 

with four of your children listening to the wire tap 
your heart pounding out your chest your fetus kick a 
quickening don't respond don't rub your belly keep 
your eyes on this junk sick man maybe six feet tall 
sweat dripping he wipes his forehead glares out the 
window who you with whose out there are you 
wearing a wire you know you can't leave out HE SAID 
NOBODY LEAVE OUT whispering you understand what 
I'm saying i nod yes sir i do suddenly a lump in my 
throat like hot lava i can't speak my lips trembling
 
so i swallow fear it tasted like sweat gun power 
blood tears my mind quickly goes to choo choo 
charlie was an engineer a good and plenty commercial 
watching from a giant zenith television in my head 
then you should have a Hubert doll the old Harris bank 
logo my mind began to drift again weeping willow tree 
I'm skipping through our lady of the gardens watching 
the cardinals when he slams his revolver on the counter 
my eyes fixated on his my heart pounding dealers 
and killers crowding my space my fetus moves I want 

to hold my belly but I can't show human emotions not 
here human emotions shows fear i swallow the lump in 
my throat again he's going to kill me I'll never see my 
children again I'll never meet my unborn child i feel 
dirty like a rat infested by all the germs corruption 
and organized crime of the city the wires around my 
baby began to itch they feel warm i wonder if the 
baby can hear the conversations like the FBI parked 
is this why she's moving so much the voices travel 
through a strong frequency in my womb an ultra 

sound of voices i start thinking the fetus is being 
harm maybe hurt by the sound traveling inside my 
womb are you okay i nod i am okay i wasn't okay 
neither was my fetus i felt something evil cross my 
womb guilt as though i was aborting my fetus by 
wearing these wires around my womb it was then 
the mental break begun but i had to be strong i had 
to hide all emotions swallow fear until i leave out 
of this hostage situation who was i why i am an 
American mom on the frontline of the war on weapons 

and drugs in America i have to survive to save my kids 
those agents parked and myself this would take an 
enormous toil once i finally made it out began to 
breathe cry scream fixated on saving my mind is 
broken into nervous breakdown coping comes at 
a strange price sometimes reliving traumatic events 
every single day of your life night terrors isolation 
agoraphobia you feel so unsafe it's very draining you 
crawl you walk you stand all the right things to survive 
that was when killers and dealers located me began 

shooting in my home to extort my American poetry 
to give to a corrupt officers niece for revenge my 
punishment for wearing wires for the FBI very traumatic 
witnessing my killers death right at my feet an yet I 
needed to survive my mind needed to survive comfort 
support system stay calm peaceful smelling citrus 
sunshine day the clouds were so clear when wham 
car bomb crushed my skull am I dead no stay with 
me focus my mind fixated on the way the sun shined 
above the American flag fixated on surviving my murders    

GOD BLESS THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATIONS AND
GOD BLESS THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
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