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Defecation accidentally clogged...

for the umpteenth time 
during spate to sit scrawny buttucks 
on porcelain throne id est 
videre licet toilet bowl...
with toxic water brew threatening
to overflow onto the floor,
and hence found yours truly (me)
immersing himself in the holistic experience
for the pure love of bucket flushing 
since applying plunger to no avail

found me able, eager, ready and willing
to whoosh upon a star to enlist 
the entrepreneurial daring doo doo  
of eldest offspring to design a *corkerasp, 
and found (me) zee papa frankly 
zapped, pooped, fatigued, et cetera out,
thus daring poster boy afflicted 
by recurrent bouts of constipation
to share embarrassing communiqué I post,
a reasonably rhyming poetic shout out

to air flatulent grievances
concerning outsize bowel movement
hoping (fat/slim shady chance)
Mike Rowe happens tubby about,
though shadow of a doubt,
he will avail himself
anal eyes zing thee
nightly dump for yesterday
September 2nd, 2024 - whereby
plying plunger in vain, cuz suction

barely helped obstruction give way,
I nearly lost me life and limb oy vey
oh my dog, the same asinine outcome
which spurred poet to get underway
matter of fact, a replay
of excretion almost 
occurred earlier today,
and thus an attempt to describe
a tragicomic scenario
regarding bowel movement 

the size of subway tram,
an urgent message to maintenance person,
yours truly must relay
overflowing potty nearly
found yours truly quay
king, yet impossible mission 
arises to portray
with unsightly turgid prose 
and cons of situation, 
the juvenile elements of harried style

swiftly tailored, I hate to overplay
odoriferous subject matter
nsync with constipation
since laxative delineates,
expedites, facilitates,... née
posits heavy load emanating out rectum
quite amazing what 
smelly waste exits out me
necessitating able linkedin line
O Captain! My Captain!

I signal emergency mayday
posterior end, a dime size orifice,
which malfunctioning sphincter muscles
one moost never be lackaday sic cull
though kids and adults
laughed back in the day,
if and/or when Danny Kaye
tactfully poked fun including that girl
at such critical bodily phenomenon
equally important as a jackstay
to keep afloat body electric

accursed with rectum ammunition
auxiliary accouterments interplay
analogously precise as
Swiss made timepiece
said system responsible
to expel bodily toxins
upon which sitting on porcelain throne
one can softly utter hooray
thankful to experience relative pleasure
until one becomes feeble minded,

whereat sixty plus shades of gray
matter allows, enables, and
provides enjoyably foray
into the bathroom, which entranceway
hoop fully not barred nor off limits
cuz that primitive 
urge one best not delay
lest one requires lower
gastrointestinal intervention
especially if blocked up

fecal matter which turns to clay
unless of course one doth
cause damage and betray
respect toward well
oiled human machine
exercising and eating healthy
avoiding backside skeleton musculature issues,
yes... I reckon during twilight years
control over bowels doth slip away.

*The Essence Of A Corkerasp.

(which fictitious object contrived 
by my then twenty plus year old 
third year college student,
(who will turn twenty eight
on December twenty second),, 
but SHE would never admit 
to birthing such an offal bit of drek. 

The essential name arose 
from preschool, predicated, 
precocious person, and the words....? 

Whenever constipation a pain in the ass
just maneuver this lightweight 
metal contrivance made of brass
no matter if anybody 
considers this action crass
apply corkscrew motion
up the alimentary canal 
to remove human waste,
which most likely 
will be thick like petrified paste

stuck deep inside 
bowels of sphincter muscles
and solidly encased
causing severe cramps 
within lower gastrointestinal tract
inducing one to wince nonstop 
from being fecal matter packed
and no amount of primal groaning 
doth loose this hard fact,
nor does imagery of freed turd

ease formidable anal plight, 
no laughing matter 
despite how absurd
squeezing does nothing 
even applying all inner might,
thus necessary to incorporate
un-natural intervention to un-clog
rectal blockage + uncomfortable bloating
swelling anus the size of a hog
disabling bare derriere 

ease to stand let alone jog,
yet tis essential 
per extricating what feels
like one swallowed a log,
which could presage demise 
of sufferer, whereby epitaph
twill induce impossible 
eulogy spoken language
where tongues wag in Prague
every ounce of effort required to bend

over gingerly affixing 
plunger end of device
to business of rear end
best accompanied in tandem 
with close companion or friend
this dirty deed done 
dirt-cheap trick will ideally rend
rock solid excrement to roll and crash
(on par traversing highway
to hell) soundcloud, I 

without fail regularly out the tushy send
upon bathroom floor
possibly inducing tsunami
seismic waves less or more,
whereby toilet bowl water will pour
over the sides akin 
to white caps near sea shore
without doubt making 
gluteus maximus extremely sore.
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