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In anger, I scream at the wall.
In pain, onto my pillow I fall.
I take it out on my bed,
punching, my face turns red.
I grab my razor out of despair,
"nobody will see if I make the cut there."
For a minute, the pain subsides,
I take a breath as red fills the line.
For a brief time, I finally feel fine,
but it's not long until I realize.
Its my own guilt that washes over me,
I made a quick decision, recklessly.
I begin to hit myself in the head,
and throw my body back onto my bed.
I cover my mouth to silence my cries,
my body aches and I await my demise.
"Where are You, God?" I scream,
but it seems like He's not listening.
"Where are You, God?" I cry again.
My voice grows louder and louder,
but seems quiet still in this lonely hour.
I listen amongst the silence for His words,
No answer. I guess this is what I deserve.
He left me completely alone and hollow,
the emptiness is a bitter pill to swallow.
He left me here alone to rot.
Suddenly, a voice responds, "I did not."
I turn my head but I'm still alone.
He speaks again, "Your suffering I only condone,
I am with you through it all though.
When you were in pain, I was your pillow.
When you were angry, I was your wall.
I let you yell and blame me for it all.
I am the skin that you slash.
I am the objects that you thrash.
I am the tissue that wipes your tears.
I am the blanket hiding you from your fears.
I am the bandaid that covers your scar.
I am the light still living in your heart.
I am your comfort and your shield.
I am the hope that you yield.
I am your rock and your fortress.
I am the one that you can trust.
Yet, when times are hard and I see you struggle,
I let you blame me in your time of trouble.
I would never hurt you, I could only ever love you.
If only you could understand, if only you knew.
But, until then, my child, I'll take your anger and any weight,
I'll take the insults and injuries and I'll love you anyway.
If only you could see what I can so clearly,
I hold you, my child, oh so dearly!
If only you knew your beauty and worth,
my child, you have been beloved since birth!
I have called you my friend and my own,
I have promised and kept to not leave you alone.
You are a city not forsaken,
you are my best creation.
So, why do you try so hard to be perfect?
Why do you try so hard to be worth it?
Don't you understand you were made in my image?
Did I not create a beautiful world with you in it?
So, lower your fists and put down your razor.
Fall to your knees and turn to your Maker.
Abide in Me.
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