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It feels like I got drafted to a war.
A war I didn't even know started.
Maybe I was oblivious.
Maybe there's an excuse,
Then again maybe not.
But I know I feel tense.
I feel beyond tense. 
Nowhere is home now.
Nowhere is safe. 
No one is safe to be with. 
I can't depend on anyone to help me,
It's every man for himself out here 
And I'm stuck here.
When I'm someone who thinks love is a currency that functions in reverse.
I am someone who thinks the more love I give out, the more I will receive.
And I am at war now.
There's always shouting,
There's always pain,
There's always something wrong,
There's always something I did wrong.
My body is breaking.
There are holes in my stomach and I cannot sleep.
Laying down makes me sick, 
And so does standing up for myself.
I don't know what to do anymore.
I don't know how to explain how I feel,
How I function,
How I think.
I can't even explain it to me.
Social experiences with loved ones make me feel like I've got a nosebleed in a shark tank.
Strangers make me brace for impact.
I don't know how to respond to compliments or kindness from others.
I don't know how to tell someone "it's not okay" when they apologize.
I'm tired.
I'm sick of this.
I want to be left alone now.
I want to recover.
I want peace of mind.
I want to say "go away" and mean it. 
I want to say "It's not okay, and I don't forgive you."
I really just want to feel better.
I want the war to end.

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