Email Poem

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I have to deal with Noah when I wake up.
When I sleep.
In the middle of the day.
Where's my rest?
I have to deal with him when I'm with Roland.
When I'm with mom.
When I'm with Grandpa.
When do I ever get a break?
"Oh lily, please take care of me and let Grandpa get some sleep?"
If you were tired then why say yes to babysitting?
"Lily, I've worked a lot. Just take care of Noah for me." 
Why did you agree to see your son and babysit if you're just going to f***ing sleep?
"Oh lily. You're just a good big sister! Take care of Noah while Mommy sleeps, okay?" 
Why do I spend more time with him than you do?
You're his damn mom.
I'm only his sister.
I'm the eldest yet I'm treated like a babysitter.
I'm yelled at when he makes a mistake.
I have to treat him with delicacy since his mind is only 'one year old'. 
I only get alone time when I'm at f***ing school.
But even then, I'm surrounded by people.
So many people talk and talk.

Shut up.
Shut up.
SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUT UP. SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP
SHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUPSHUTUP-

...
just make it stop.
please.

People say all sorts of stuff and come to me for guidance.
Why do I have to fix your f***ing mistakes?
Why do people steal my stuff?
Why am I left out?
Why do people decide to talk to me one day and ignore me the next?
It tears me apart.
The fact that I try and try yet I'm only used one after the other.
Am I just a puppet to fix stuff?
Am I the scapegoat for if anything happens, I'm to take the fall?
Why do I exist if I'm to be treated this way?
Everyday.
Everyday.
Everyday.
Everyday.
Everyday.
Everyday.
Everyday I'm treated like this.
Everyday I wonder why I'm still alive.
Everyday I ask myself, "am I not that important to the point where people treat me like  all the time?"
.
..
...
I'm so tired.
I just wanna be left alone.
I wanna not be yelled at for a day.
I wanna not take care of Noah for once.
Just..
How can you escape hell if you're condemned there?
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