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Wandering alone with a heart that’s aching evidence  
The fences you’re always sitting on, more numerous than my internal injustices 
Not that I can really talk 
Choking on all my hypocrisies 
And biting my tongue in place of healing through the words “I disagree” 

We were just time wasted from landfill clocks 
I’m desperate for acknowledgement, but destined for an argument 
And I’m just wasted atoms from the black hole my souls inhabited 
I‘m remembering your transgressions like a crow remembers faces 
And I wouldn’t underestimate my mental documentation;
So many contracts and blood pacts that I don’t even know I’m in 
More violent and numerous than all my internalized injustices
But did you leave to save yourself or because you didn’t want the blame of not saving me?
My feet were dragging 
And my heart was aching so much evidence 
You’re bluer than a detective 
But did you also need to stop and hang up the badge 
After solving this? 
They didn’t find a murder weapon because they can’t convict intelligence 
But I see it in my head and I miss it 
And my repressed stockholm syndrome is how I’m holding up with this 
I’m self-aware enough to observe it but never to concede it 
Talking about being there on our wedding days, 
Knowing without rose-colored glasses, I’d believe it;
In my head I lived it 
Would I have to pull the trigger for you to feel devastation? 
Did I have to flail in a pool of blood for you to see that my life was ending?

Commit to me
how I’m committed to the asylum I store my files in 
There’s locks on the cabinets, 
But I always open them up when the doctors come to visit 
And so I’m still nestled on a paper thin mattress, 
Feeling dolefully imprisoned 
But they didn’t find the murder weapon because they can't condemn self-severance
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