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Cree nation my grandmother 
heritage it's been awhile since 
I felt such an emotional fear 
from a man my abusive ex 
husband arouse my thinking 
i sat with my new husband 
such a peaceful celebration 
that I received my restraining 
orders I felt he was there hiding 
behind one of the stuffed animals 
hanging on the wall the goat the 
tiger the bear the Buffalo 
the big black panther watching
I catered to my heritage feeling 
sad that after all these years 
reading just what he'd done to 
the children and I and we survived 
Christmas eve nightmare now 
here I am decades later he attacked 
his entire being blackmailed his 
affair with abuse of power sent 
him on a rage to harm me because 
he was actually using my traumatic 
brain injury claim to fund his affairs 
my life is grave danger complete 
stress as they broke in my home 
taking one poem in particular 
I'd intended to put in on a mug for 
domestic violence awareness 
the title of the poem is called 
domestic violence survivor this 
triggered more rage mental 
emotions psychological abuse 
of power victimization of a brain 
injured American poet I am still 
traumatized feeling blessed 
and safe I forgave him for the 
beatings the horror as I sat with 
a traumatic brain injury he still 
punched me kicked me hit me 
with a giant stone that could 
have killed me a few inches 
thank god I didn't look back 
my back was turned when he 
threw this large object at my 
head hitting my shoulder bloody 
mess today still afraid honestly 
a new husband new life I'm blessed 
but still look over my shoulder I still 
feel pain I still carry the restraining 
orders for when he comes again

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