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I know you've heard the story.
I think everybody has.
About the Downey boy who won second place
In everything that was.

In that Southern California city,
Downey was its name,
In every city-wide contest,
Dave's results seemed just the same.

Second place in pole-vaulting,
Second in wrestling, too,
Second in  the 100 yard dash
When Steve McCoy, past him, flew.

At least Dave did well in school,
Mostly getting "A"s,
Always getting the top mark -
If it weren't for Janet Hayes.
  
But you might be interested to hear -
Was it always that way?
Pull up a chair, and have a beer,
And the tale I will convey.

He spent every day that blessed summer
Of nineteen seventy-one,
At his school's recreational program,
Playing ping-pong and having fun.

As first to twenty-one would hold the table,
Each challenger he would dispose.
At 5PM, he still played ping pong at that table
When they had to close.

When the city-wide tournament was announced,
Everyone at our school, "Rio", knew
Dave would be crowned the Downey champion,
Bringing glory to himself and Rio too.

The coach and kids piled into cars, and sped,
With excitement, clear across town.
Soon each and every one would see
That championship go down. 

Dave's first opponent could barely see the ball.
The poor kid looked like a fool,
The "champ to be" swiftly slammed balls past him,
As he was cheered on by his school.

Then came the second unfortunate player
To come up against mighty Dave.
Wow, how the players slammed around that ball -
Both took as good as they gave!

But when the dust settled, only one of them would have
A chance for the title.
As Rio's wild, cheering fans now knew,
Dave would advance to the final!

This third guy didn't seem so very great.
He didn't hit powerfully or fast.
Dave felt beating him would not be too hard -
But wait - he returned each blast.

So, Dave attacked fiercely and aggressively.
Sometimes his slams missed the table.
Yet, there were more times that they landed, and,
To return them, that guy was unable.
 
The crowd rose to its toes as the moment neared.
Dave's score was now nineteen.
His supporters shouted with abandonment,
As the other guy had sixteen.

Just then, our hero, and his friends at Rio,
Learned a new rule, as such -
They found out that it was illegal in ping pong to,
With your hands, the table, touch.

The referee stopped play, awarding the point
To the slow hitting guy.
Either it was just then noticed by the ref -
Or somebody standing by.

Whatever the case, Dave's coach and friends
Yelled to him, "don't touch the table",
But he played in a semi-conscious zone -
To stop his habit - would he be able?

Dave had always dreamed to be the first,
And his school knew he'd win the chase -
With three fouls and a twenty-two to twenty score,
He was awarded second place.
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