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Poem
sink beneath the surface every time goaded
same event distorted until colour coded
and always bedraggled and gasping for air
terrified that this is actually fair
failings cascade like works of art
brokeness perfectly playing it's part
around each hell bubble is success
ability to self rescue out of each mess
though at the centre is the invisible flaw
ready to ensnare and insides gnaw 
wrap self in the ache I cannot shed
as wounds around me are freshly bled
I listen on occasion to others orate 
describe me and confidently predict my fate
though sediment clouds near everything
my existence occurs and to that I cling
I took a lung full of chaos then attached dead weights 
a warped sense of perspective it creates
huge expanse of absolute contrast 
unarticulated unrest that then amassed
some layers of peeled off adhesive remain
all wrong side up and yellowing stain 
exposed to elements usefulness wanes
malcreated blueprints form different pains
I'm there somewhere as much as here
as light still enters rooms shrouded in fear  
gobbled up but still able to see
overlays the perhaps the best they can be
maze like shame that is sticky and pervasive 
containing old screams enveloping or invasive 
there is a sky however muted
and constant light even if diluted
pools of blue beneath serene ledges
comfort prevailing amongst rounded edges
able to rest though slide back to the start
lost in blurred vision due to heavy scarred heart
clarity sits in pockets so fresh and clear 
mocking what I fail to see and hear
telling me I won't get there this time
tethered to burdens from several lifelines
but I'll learn and adapt and I'm closer than before 
the weight of self awareness I'll shed at the door
walking through I'll cast off and be light
the damage done will be all set right 
I've seen enough for today and will close my eyes
contemplate if it's real or self sabotaging lies
I feel sick at the thought of how I've been stuck
wasting abundance by seeing empty cup
already defeated whilst graced with ease
I'll pray for access to this life's keys
wake up without those pits to fall into
emerge from resting feeling brand new
turned around and forward facing
step by step with steady pacing
on straighter path that leads up and out
freed from fear and shame and doubt
leave behind this bubbled haze
to embrace and commit to different phase
not tomorrow but I am finding my way 
mantra held that I'll get there some day
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