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I want to tell a funny story,
About this certain candle I had bought. 
“We’ll have a romantic night in”
This is the first thing I thought. 

Now this candle had its own jar,
One of those ones with 3 wick burners,
A statement decor piece, they say
A real mood turner. 

I put the kids to bed
And set up the room just right, 
I lit this big ass candle 
And turned off all the lights. 

The candle smelt amazing, 
The room was all a glow, 
I said we’ll do soft and sensual, 
You know, we’ll start off slow…

But things sped up, and I kept saying 
“shhh or you’ll wake the kids…”
The mood was very romantic and 
I was thinking “I could used to this…” 

Things were getting heated, 
And the bed was starting to shake, 
Unbeknown to us - the candle 
would crash down like an earthquake. 

Then suddenly the room went dark
and we couldn’t work out why…
For this big ass candle had other plans 
- like learning to fly!! 

In the heat of the moment, 
We forgot the candle on the bed, 
Within a split second it fell off 
And smacked poor hubby in the head.  

It landed on his naked chest, 
Covering him in hot wax from head to toe, 
Turning his red beard white and 
burning his chest hair, face and nose. 

He let out a scream of pain
He thought he had been discreet -
He woke all the kids up 
And half the bloody street! 

He leapt out of bed in a mad rush,
And slid across the wax covered floor, 
He was trying to wipe his eyes so he 
could find the handle on the bloody door. 

I flicked the light on and seen 
that the wax had started to set, 
For he couldn’t move or speak 
This will be a night we’ll never forget. 

The bed looked like a crime scene, 
For the wax had stuck like glue,
There he was standing butt naked 
Looking like one of those wax statues. 

We couldn’t get the wax off, 
We had to throw out the sheets. 
Alright candle - you win that round. 
We’ll just have to admit defeat. 

When I said things were getting hot, 
This is not what I had in mind. 
Pretty sure he got 3rd degree burns 
and is now partially blind. 

That’s the story of our hot date,
Something we could’ve never planned, 
One thing is for certain though,
All the ing candles have been banned!
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