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Inspiration line #4 - I Can't Believe I Thought That 

once when I was much younger 
           I was living with a boyfriend
the promise between us began like a delicate flower
laughter and love the music of our souls
he treated me so nicely saying "I love you" all the time
but things changed and now I hold memories
                     like scars on the roadmap of my life
he became so cruel and insulting
                              like a lion licking his lips
demeaning me all the time in how I looked
      what I said . . . what I thought
            he was rough and had cold mean eyes
I feared him and my very life and I felt trapped
     he told me that I was stupid and to shut up
told me I was ugly
              and useless 
nobody could ever love me
and I was worthless
                       my heart hung heavily
    he convinced me that all these things were true
I walked with my head down believing his words
could not look at people . . . could only mutter
until, one day I felt a spark beginning within me
that became a raging fire burning bright
and I had found my courage . . . 
                I waited for him to go out one night
then, ran out into the rain with no direction
          with the clothes I was wearing
no where to go
         but I was free from him and I smiled
I spent that night in a 24 hour coffee shop
and in the morning I recall thinking
             I can't believe I thought that . . . 
   all that garbage
I felt like a hummingbird hovering in harmony
well, I climbed out of that hole
              got my voice and confidence back
put together an amazing life
found a man who actually loved me for who I am
(he had to leave for heaven but is waiting by that gate
                  beyond the clouds)
    and now, today, in this moment
                . . .  I know exactly who I am
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