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Still wrestling with impasse to contentment

Dispense sing with fidelity blithely agog
just me and mine dark shadow 
slinking along outer limits of 
the edge of night doth blog
passivity, the path 
of least resistance ohm my dog,
shocking voltage amply 
surges an emphatic YES, 
verboten fruit adrip 
with succulent juices as eggnog,

a legitimately valid 
reason and rhyme to flog
reprobate yours truly 
figuratively doth emasculate,
thee catchword to extricate 
being emotionally hogtied
warrants immediate attention, 
regarding consummating series 
of prurient disadvantageous 
née self destructive events.
  
The best idea to expound upon,
while attempting creative 
exuding genital intonations to jog
all mein kampf, 
I felt like a bump on a log
please... don't be hesitant
not to reserve judgement
towards this miscreant husband
whom identifies himself 
as a dirt Poe imp of the pervert
analogous to rumpelstiltskin fable

whereby Lothario wannabe
boasts stud deed fallaciousness,
whose noggin of mine 
shaped as an egghead 
topped off with pinhead blocked nog,
one aging long haired pencil neck geek
never reached maturity forever a pollywog
until froggy went a courtin'
into marital quagmire 
woody peckerhead did slog.

More clearly, plainly and succinctly,
one groveling, non-feeling, and sniveling 
poor excuse for masculinity,
(and upstanding laughingstock 
regarding spindleshanks),
I continually experience
unrepentant (unforgivable) 
humility, futility, and disrepectability
hence lame justification
Matthew Scott Harris
sought adultery, cuckoldry, effrontery...,
which unwise choices attempted
(pun intended) to fill a void

sexual propensity linkedin with precepts
attributed courtesy Sigmund Freud,
though skepticism skirted
shirked getting caught red handed
sneaky shenanigans employed
barenaked lady hardcore psychoanalysis
downplayed, or Oedipus complex
shrugged off Fountainhead (heavier imposition
versus Atlas shrugged) fails to bridge 
(do not as Kwai)
any heavy mettle alloyed
within me psyche, 
and windmills of my mind.

Handy dandy blues clues 
existential mid life crisis
lacked absolute zero justification
why yours truly fraught 
with hormonal secretion 
embarked on warpath for concupiscence
gallivanting, frolicking, engineering 
foot loose and fancy free
sabotaged matrimonial covenant, 
whereby I regularly posted and answered

personal classified advertisement
with popular Craigslist website,
thus no surprise when presto digitation,
I met gal headquartered 
in Coatesville or Downingtown;
she drove to Evansburg State Park
rearing to tame bucking bronco (me)
quashing, invalidating, contravening... 
conjugal contractual obligation
renting asunder mine vocalized vow

to remain faithful thru thick and/or thin
seeking alternative orgasmic opportunity
feeble minded excuse 
regarding irreconcilable differences
a vague catchall phrase 
antithetical contrary to pledged troth,
embarking on maiden voyage
nsync with barenaked lady 
partaking moist and meaty tender vittles. 

I feebly attempted to compensate  
for dearth of absent teenage 
Ninja mutant turtles 
reptile brain and brawn bravado
investigated dating app experiences, 
thus violated wedded vow think tryst
I yearned, trended and jump/kick started 
Casanova paramour wannabe
years later subsequently 
regretted quintessentially philandering

utterly disgusted at my illicit behavior
and negligence neglecting 
attentiveness to offspring and spouse
forswore doting upon then 
high school age daughters,
rightfully thee eldest one
(born 12/22/1996) still pissed
and compromised, jeopardized, 
and undermined paternal priority spawning 
selfish prurient dalliances,

I das scribe, how now 
brown cow objectionable
frolicking courtesy Sly 
And The Family Stone 
payback a , cuz 
I feel in funky (flunky) mood,
verses when scads of Earth orbitz ago, 
(round about January 
two thousand and ten)
he profusely kissed

mouth of other voluptuous 
(zoftig) older women
(consensually, flatteringly, indiscriminately)
and amazingly, kindly, thankfully... enough 
in due time spouse did willingly insist
to forgive, boot never forget
long since discounting 
divorce from wife
nevertheless, remaining thermally uncoupled
mandated unconditional armistice 

eventually note hissed
matter of fact I dreamt 
at time these lines penned
(then earlier today that May twenty ninth
two thousand and twenty two), the gist
regarding soldier of self made misfortune 
toying and tinkering harming self
casually eyed sharp pointed objects
offered especial attraction
pondering hoop fully connive fist

(cuffed) around handles of cutlery
at primal, gonadal, 
and brutal predilections
now... finding very little reason to exist,
hence understandably dissed
(until death do me part)
unbridled love and apology
toward thee missus and progeny,
who forever did blacklist
writ blood ginned curses 
with will.i.am blackened barbs. 

Absence makes the heart grow fonder,
thus very little paternal 
(filial) love expressed
and she chose to live yonder
Oakland, California 
her then temporary dwelling
no matter, her papa 
blatantly confessed depravity
YES, more'n his eye did wonder.

At present petty coated junction 
non petty irreparable schism
doth rank as horrendous 
on par me adopting fascism
forever sullied image ("daddy's girl"),
who once thought the world of me
selfish misdeeds done dirt cheap
buzzfeeding swelling egoism
no more how enlightened I became

ex post facto, pure unconditional acceptance
refracted light risqué behavior thru prism
where primary parental accountability
not satisfactorily explained away courtesy
Darwinism (to con seed genes), nor chauvinism,
whereby ever since time immemorial
repentance will forever be belabored
by me flagrantly disregarding monogamy 
courtesy hardened libido
making mockery and travesty marital covenant.
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