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"Yes, I affirm, I have seen God
But He appeared and then disappeared
This knowing that transcends mind, left me awed
But until what’s imbibed is assimilated, by fears I’m seared"

He's omnipresent, my needs are met
But by anguish I'm beset
No explanation can I get
So I blame myself and yet and yet

Return again to church and pew
Mind granted peace, it's what you do
Welcomed back, just like you knew
That I come home to seek rescue

But I cannot rest, the flock aren't my kind
As they judge with such a harsh closed mind
When I come round, it's not peace I find 
But those hedging bets, in fear enshrined

My faith I keep in my pocket to hold 
Not devoted enough, I am far too bold 
Though in our one sided chats I'm still consoled
There's still time to return, back to the fold 

Taught not to question by school and church 
Living occurred, am I already besmirched
Lost in unrest, painful and endless search
My thoughts my undoing as they tangle and lurch

Objectively I see I've done nothing wrong
It's the man made rules distorting the song
I know that I've known this all along
But I question why I blame the throng

I'm making up rules, creating salvation 
Mistaking lack of reply for just hesitation 
Religion isn't an idea I should entertain in flirtation 
It's playing with fire and eternal damnation 

Serving you disingenuously can't be right
Motivated by fear and feeling contrite 
Helping others as 'most righteous' prize fight 
That surely wouldn't ensure my soul snow white

I'm on some meandering path that's my own
Nod to you but don't quite worship at your throne
I admit I'm not good through and through to the bone
You know the heart of me, it's that that I've shown 

My options are open but I consciously question 
Though definitely swayed by the power of suggestion
These man made rules still give me indigestion 
The way clouded by judgemental congestion 

Self awareness tells me you know what I know
I speak to you daily, restorative interflow
The true self is judged not any false one on show
So I'll ponder some more how I can make up what I owe
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