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Poem
Early in the morning as my feet hit the floor, I jump in my britches and I’m out the door. 
Down and around the corner is a mighty fine place to eat. So I hurry down to the diner at the 
end of the street. Falling out of my drawers and stepping out of my shoes, I finally make it 
down to the diner to share the good news. By the looks of those folks, they weren’t very 
impressed and wanted to know why it was that I couldn’t stay dressed. Quick on my feet, I 
began to tell my story of this new diet and all of its glory. It’s a liquid diet, I explained, and 
they quickly wanted to know what the diet was named. Thinking of the night before and all 
that I could recall, I gave the diet the name “Alcall”. When I finished my breakfast, I was off 
again. At this time, I head to the house to see the love of my life, my wife and my friend. I 
make it to the house and step through the door and I quickly discover that the place I call 
home was no more. Greeting me at the door was a woman with hair that was snow-white; 
with a rolling pen in her left hand and a shotgun in her right. She loaded the gun and shot me 
in the rear-end, I quickly come to the realization that this is not the love of my life, my wife 
and definitely not my friend. I run down the street with my drawers to my knees and my 
buns on fire; calling to the Lord in a pitch that is getting higher and higher. I didn‘t make it 
too far down the street when low and behold it was the law that I did meet. They slapped on 
the hand-cuffs and threw me in jail and it was only until later that my wife came with bail. As 
she looked at the surprised look on my face, it was the grin on hers that she couldn’t erase. 
She then laughed and looked at me knowing and asked how my diet was going. It was then 
that I had to declare that my new diet obviously wasn’t getting me anywhere. Due to the 
convincing series of events that occurred that day, I vowed to give up my diet of “Alcall” in 
every way.
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