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Zenith University I am a proud graduate of Zenith University, where the quality stays on until the little dot shrinks and goes away. I attended that fine institution with Tom and Jerry, Heckl, Jeckl, Mickey, Minnie, Da?y, Donald, Daisy, Huey, Dewey, Louie, Speedy, Wile E., Gumby, Pokey, Yogi, Boo Boo, Dino, Chucko, Hobo Kelley, Lassie, Bozo, Betty, Barney, Bam Bam Rubble, Wilma, Pebbles, Fred, Casper, Felix, Sheri? John, Gentle Ben, and Mr. Ed. Astro, Elroy, Judy, George, and Jane-- Eddie Haskell, Wally Cleaver, Mom and Dad and Little Beaver. Favorite Martian--Flying Nun, James Arness--smoking gun, Spanky and Alfalfa, Larry, Moe, and Curly. Tests consisted of posted patterns. To see those, you had to get up early like Jack LaLanne and Buns of Steel, Captain Kangaroo. Mid-morning classes included Monte Hall (quite a deal), Bob the Barker (not the builder). Allen Ludden passed the words, Henson brought a yellow bird. After dinner, after sunset we did our homework with Maxwell Smart and 99, Gomez and Morticia, Uncle Fester, Lerch, and Flipper. We saw The Rifleman get Branded. We saw The Fugitive get framed. We saw The Guppy blown off-course. We saw Gilligan get blamed. Hogan’s Heroes, Lost in Space, Dr. Casey, Marcus Welby, Adam 12, Ponch and John. Cecil and his buddy, Beanie, Major Nelson and his Jeannie. Brought to us by PF Flyers, US Keds, Irish Spring, Mr. Clean, Betty Crocker, Duncan Hines, Orange Crush, Good and Plenty, Pepto Bismol, Alka Seltzer, Instant Breakfast, Ford. Lucky Charms and Cocoa Pu?s, Captain Crunch and Frosted Flakes, Hostess Twinkies, Snoballs-- shredded coconut on smallish dome-shaped chocolate cakes. Double Mint and Pontiac. Wonder Bread and Cadillac. Mighty Dog and Coppertone. Outer Limits, Twilight Zone. Brinkley, Huntley, Putnam, Dunphy, Disney once a week. Sunday polka bubbles courtesy of Lawrence Welk, who counted all the way to three or four before he used his accordion to speak. Zenith University provided glowing lessons-- many of these presented in convenient, 30-minute sessions. By the way, I completely disagree with anyone and everyone who claims Z.U. fried our brains or wasted them away. I express my gratitude by picking flowers, presenting them directly to the screen on every Mother’s Day.
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