Email Poem

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Personal Note:

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Poem

I am heaven and I am not welcome here now
and I know it will take some time until I am again
i'm unsure if my gates will ever open wide enough for you to slip through
though you can stare at them
locked
for as long as you please

even though it makes my mouth dry and my blood rush like rapids, running south 

you can watch them glow in the dim light of my mother's living room
unsure if it's divinity or smooth slick along the bars 
like black ice ready to toss a car to the wolves at a moments notice

on a school run

I wish I wasn't your very own girl
your kiss felt everywhere but my lips 
your eyes burning through the same soft ready flesh to my tongue
hot, wet and heavy where it sits in my mouth

I have never see this heaven, 
                                                       all I am to you

open your heart and show me if I am so very important, or at least let my cold hands scratch at the back door without reprimand

you've spread me thin like butter, soft and left on the side for too long 
you've nailed me down with gentleness 
and yet despite all this 

my insides all out for you 
the unnatural purity of the whole ordeal
your worship (the very worship that churns my insides and makes bile rise, sickly sweet in my throat) 

i'm still unsure of who sits behind your eyes, 
a man, a master
a dog tied to a street lamp shivering in the cold

snarling
desperate
hungry

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