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Ace colonoscopy doctor Kellen Karl Kovalovich

revisited January 23rd, 2024
on the evening before yours truly
(the one and only Matthew Scott Harris),
a stand up comic wannabe, who
historically heartily hales 
from Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
undergoes oh joy rapture colonoscopy.

Three days before that first appointment 
with estimable gastroenterologist
Doctor Kellen Karl Kovalovich
regarding upcoming procedure
scheduled for August 17th, 2022),
unfortunately yielded inconclusive results
meaning the excretory material 
not satisfactorily expelled.

Though necessary to swallow 
four Dulcolax laxative tablets, 
plus additionally quaff half 
238 gram bottle of Miralax 
over span of eight hours, 
and if necessary 
even apply one Fleets 
(or store brand) Enema.

Ideally Vaseline ought be applied
to the enema tip to avoid abrading
sensitive skin surfaces.

The missus located lubricating fluid
she purchased Trojan lubricants
Continuance Essence at Adult World
when a clearance sale 
at said store took place.

As a more effective modus operandi
aforenamed said specialist 
strongly advised taking Su-prep 
in place of Miralax, which  
two step process already begun
earlier today, which 
date mentioned in first line.

I grudgingly accept short lived 
lower abdominal discomfort 
linkedin with gushing watery stools
analogous to reasonable and tolerable 
assault upon me derriere 
considerably less severe than shigella
tube be worth knowing 
nada worry colon cancer 
would pose grave threat.

I remembered first colonoscopy 
specialist named Larry Borowsky
located 525 Jamestown Ave. #101, 
Philadelphia, PA 19128
(challenged courtesy hearing difficulty,
hence he wore an auditory device)
treated me some half dozen plus years ago,
yours truly didst solidly waste, 
rather subsequently spent 
a few hours writing, toil letting, 
and crafting the following bupkis
slightly modified to correspond
with present modus operandi treatment.

Ask any devotee  
of above named gastroenterologists 
officious military licensed cheeky knucklers, 
ne’er kissed gluteus maximus, 
they soldiered thru medical school 
despite getting pooped out 
rigorous regimen now both know 
vital details regarding bowels of human 
excretory system, which iz alimentary 
and familiar flickering 

sleight of hand linkedin 
quicken wrist zooms into grab bag 
of medicinal tricks - mimics 
waving magic wand bitta bang
prestidigitation abracadabra 
of anal scope brings – dang
gustatory scenic aerated holy smoker 
of a rectum, a wasteland fang
less, but the backside seat, 
where dingle berries 

and/or polyps sometimes hang,
whence undergoing this 
behind the scenes procedure 
where smelly silent sonnets 
from sphincter sprang
most times flatulence 
relieved in private place
but, post-op probe 
forced air into buttucks,  
thus encourage patients 

to aerate sterile space
otherwise known as passing gas
scrutinized faces elicit embarrassment 
of elderly folks, 
who feel self conscious farting in public
before departing from human race,
rearing specialist unheralded doctors 
relieves anguish without a trace
which gratitude spurred 
crappy attempt to compose verse

to express appreciation 
clean bill of health and disperse
anticipatory anxiety, this pooper trooper 
endured with pseudo “nurse”
actually mine wife, who nudged me 
to undergo examination
lest she bare witness 
becoming a widow 
following mine hearse
if hypothetical demise did pass, 

deceased would hear loud curse
analogous to unstoppable enema, 
(brought out from downed colyte
consumed for first colonoscopy)
expletives interspersed with my name 
exhibiting master card 
shark cunning never forgiving 
nor forgetting how we happened 
to be broke nearly the entire 
coup d’état of marriage –  

reaching cheeky tush pinching 
catatonic state dien rapport, 
this generic guy saved 
from premature death viz ace sing   
examination positive outcome tantamount 
with flying colors – at least now, 
our two grown darling daughters can 
(in Scooby dooby doo doo time), perhaps 
if/when they beget 
their own children witness longevity 

courtesy of exemplary doctors 
Kellen Karl Kovalovich, 
and/or Larry Borowsky,
whose honed trained hands and eyes 
adept to scout out and ticket 
suspicious cellular demons, 
aim of innocuous microbes 
to destroy e pluribus unum alone!
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