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Poem

My centre of gravity shifts
It's a theory I'm contemplating whilst leaning on a bannister
I'm perfectly safe, not about to topple over
My feet are steady
I need to work on my balance point
What tips me over
All the work tasks aren't daunting me
Socially I'm breezing my way through small talk
Yet, yesterday happened
It's self worth, I know that's what it is
Dangerously low with no reserves
I'm not even short on external validation
It's just the drip feed has to be spot on
I of course have no clue what I'm talking about
This is clutching at straws
My overconfident, under confident self
Constantly running the alternative narrative
Undermining myself
Any kind of falseness grabs me by the throat
Has me questioning and extrapolating
I move in genuine circles, have rock solid friendships
I present my real self & ask everyone to deal with it
Because I don't want to win anyone over with siren song (there are exceptions - skipping a queue for a club for instance)
It's a shame, I'm sure I could be charming if I felt like it
I prefer to be real
And I love someone who can be real back
I've had the displeasure of attending a lot of funerals this year and my tell it straight uncle packed the church and the paths outside - you knew he liked you if he gave you the time of day. There is something special about that
It's surely nice to be nice
But it's way better to land in the space where you are special and the words mean something
Just a bit hard to sustain

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