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Alien talk I can’t understand
A Pifflewig performed a handstand
He verbalised through his ass
Gross putrid wind he did pass
Like many blokes throughout the land!

I farted, perhaps it was fear
Foul wind was expelled from my rear
The pifflewig boys
Loved my smelly noise
I’m gobsmacked when they start to cheer

They dressed me in a rainbow gown
Then presented me with a poop crown
I’m made an alien chief
Oh boy it’s such a relief
As my long pants have turned turdish brown

Written by Jan Allison

Forgive them, dear Father, for they have sinned
The pifflewigs appear to be chagrinned
They whine and they sputter
Such nonsense they mutter
These alien life forms break lots of wind

Then, I noticed that their pants were droopy
Falling out were things stinky and soupy
Rumblings in each tummy
And squeezing their bummy
Pifflewigs make such disgusting poopy

Persnickety pifflewigs never hush
Prattling wacky words in guttural gush
They ran to the potty
Ugh! Their pants were spotty
I hope they have the decency to flush

Written by Lin Lane

Pifflewigs appear in alien forms
Words and aromas in gibberish storms
We're now too invaded
Their Stench over-rated
Hope they puff away with their smelly swarms

WRITTEN BY TANIA KITCHIN

Bow down to the lord of the Piffilewigs
Who used to bow down with the smelly pigs
Until he ate pork pie
Right out of the sty
And now cleans latrines as his latest gig

Lord Piffilewig misses his days in manure
Even though his new job has its own sewer
And when cleaning slop
From both mom and pop
He gets his pick of sanitary lures

Still lord misses pigs on planet number two
And their penchant for filling their sties with ew
But like good Piffilewigs
He don’t give a frig
As long as he has his ten arms in poo

WRITTEN BY DAVID FISHER

Each took their turn to fart in a can
each took a dump in a Mexican pan
boy how they stunk
like flatulent skunk
as they tooted then danced the cancan

They donned on a wig did a jig on a rig
eating their figs while doing their gigs
pooping on beams
letting out steam
they sullied it up then went home, oh frig !

Each were swell buddies of Lin and of Jan
one got sweet onions the other got spam
one farted first
the other one cursed
but when they got caught, boy how they ran

WRITTEN BY MYSTIC ROSE

Some Pifflewigs arrived on our street
Where all the gardens were nice and neat
Until they came along
Dropping their farts and dongs
Covering all lawns with foul excrete.

Sadly the street name has had a change
The neighbourhood are finding it strange
We're Portaloo Crescent
It ain't at all pleasant
Pifflewigs use drains as firing range

WRITTEN BY BELLE BELLEVUE

I never heard of a "Pifflewig" before
Until one day when one knocked on my door
My nostrils started swelling
'Cause the thing it was selling
It just kind of smelled like a rotten "S'more"

 Written By Charles Messina

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